So here's my story part 2

[Arsene]

I will have to try hard not to comfort her during this time.

I might have this all wrong Afa but IMO, there is nothing wrong with being there for her if she needs emotional support during this tough time. I'm not saying to sit there and listen to her talk about OM, but to show that you care and are there for her if she needs you to be. Again, I might be wrong but wouldn't you do at least this much for a friend?

Show her that this "miserable marriage" doesn't have to be that way.

[labug]

I might say "This must be difficult for you."

Let her deal with her emotions.

[labug]

^^^might

Say it once if at all and move on.

[tori2012]

Agree 100%. Let her ride her own rollercoaster of emotions. But keep showing her what a great man you are.

[afa75]

Thanks everyone for chiming in. Nice to see you again Labug.

An added detail about the convo, is this. Soon after she said she broke up with OM, I told her that I hope it wasn't b/c of pressure from me. She did say partially, followed by the "I will file if it continues too long." Well duh!?! I can't let her have that much cake. And so yeah, as I said earlier, OM evidently was pressuring her to choose him, file for a D, and guess live happily everafter. He was most likely not taking the DB path. He probably was pressuring more, so thanks right?

During the brief convo yesterday, I did tell her near the end that if she wanted / needed to talk about anything that she knew where to find me. Can't say that she has taken me up on that yet. Hopefully she will be able to get good support from others.

I have been sympathetic to her physical complaints. Today she skipped coffee in leiu of a coke. Still feeling the effects of her hangover.

Mini journal / thought
Today seems weird, knowing she has broken it off with OM. A good weurd, but weird. Maybe it's me keeping myself from getting too hopeful and / or allowing her to come right back. I don't know. This newness is weird. Then again, I never thought I'd be here, remember, "W and I are role models" for everyone else's R. A "jinxing" statement she made a week or two before the BD. Then again, maybe we truly can be. Show others to not give up, to work through the pain, and see what happens. At least I know I am (thankful for everyone's support here - cannot say that enough).
Ending thought for now. I can remain being the great "fixer" that I am. I simply need to "fix" W by stepping back and allowing her to "fix" herself. By not doing so I have prevented her from doing good work for herself.

[tori2012]

You are right on about stepping back.

Also, it's okay to feel weird about the end of the A. How long did it last? I'm sure you also have a lot of conflicting feelings. The toughest situations are those in which there's an A and the LBS wants to save the M. I thought I was one of few, but being part of his board has shown me how wrong I was. So give yourself time, and know that healing is a slow process. It'll speed up a lot once your W is on board with working on the M--which has a real chance of happening! Stay positive.

[Denver_2010]

"W and I are role models" for everyone else's R. A "jinxing" statement she made a week or two before the BD. Then again, maybe we truly can be. Show others to not give up, to work through the pain, and see what happens. At least I know I am (thankful for everyone's support here - cannot say that enough).
Ending thought for now. I can remain being the great "fixer" that I am. I simply need to "fix" W by stepping back and allowing her to "fix" herself. By not doing so I have prevented her from doing good work for herself.

Absolutely to all of that ^^^.

As for feeling weird about the A, well, it goes with the territory. Most likely, some anger will hit you eventually. Happened to me even when I thought that I had completely forgiven W. Still does on occasion. Just be prepared for that.

Forgiveness is the key though.

[afa75]

Thanks for stopping by Denver. I definitely appreciate your help as well. A little anger did grow last night / this morning. I now have it in check though. I think I will take MWD's idea though of writing a letter with many of my complaints about W, and then burning it.

Unusual convo's today:
W responded with a really nice, "Have a nice day" while leaving this morning. I was talking to D11, not here.

Later she sent an email about how her day / mood has soured a little b/c of work, and was happy that I was having "rock star" workday despite the crummy weather. She made a playful jab about hor our youngest was acting like me at daycare. Had a basket on his head running around. LOL

Then lately, sent me a reply to my validation email.

So "BABYSITTER" is meeting friends to work on a project once you get home and cannot stay with the kids, so you have the unfortunate problem of having to take the three of them to cub scouts. Charge your phone and let little man play on it?

Odd comment of the day:

I really like that you are motivated in life, compassionate, and supportive in the sense that you generally care about my well-being and ask how my day was or how I’m doing"

??? -- Translation?

[Denver_2010]

She is taking notice of you. Translation? Keep doing what you are doing.

[Wendylon]

Lots of good signs. Definitely keep doing what you're doing!