Hello Wendylon Yet another 180 to follow your lead on! I naturally "mother" H too. I think it's woman thing. Between us girls it's perfectly acceptable to remind/suggest/offer to help. It demonstrates our caring for each other. But I've noticed it definitely emasculates H.
I don't remember where I read it but between men - you only offer advice if you are asked. (it wasn't venus mars but i bet it's in there)
It's super hard.
I have the same issues of telling H time and again about something and he only actually takes notice the day before or on the day. My IC said that I naturally work on 14day cycles - I plan my time around 14 days including nights in - H is 48hrs - which is why he can't agree to do something as he doesn't really know how he is going to feel. so that's why I retain and gather info for the next 14 days whilst he doesn't register anything I say until the day before.
I tried a calendar at the top of the stairs. It didn't have the slightest impact. What does is a shared electronic diary via gmail. We both write in it. He's gadget man so I worked out how to "turn him on" to planning.
Socialising is hard for us too I'm like your H. I get energised by hanging out with people. My H is more of an introvert. He prefers 1-2-1 and takes a long time to trust people. He gets re-energised by being alone - something to do with over stimulation and cortisol - people who are less extroverted can be over stimulated by too much interaction so need downtime to re-engage.
I had started to make sure that there was someone for H to 1-2-1 w while I butterflied the room. Sometimes we went in separate cars too so that he could leave when he needed to. I didnt care about appearances, I was doing what worked. We talked about our differences so that we felt safe doing what we did at social events. I guess you call it loving each other inspite of differences
