Chasing Ghosts

[Denver_2010]

Hi everyone,
This is my boundary that I have been working on for my W. W is full blown in a ea and pa relationship and am struggling with her double life. I am prepared to move on with my life if she so wishes but I can't be second fiddle to my own wife. Let me know what everyone thinks.

W, I want to thank you for the gift of time. Over the past four months I have lived in hell. I have walked through the gates of hell and realize our marriage is over. I love you and want to save our marriage. From this point moving forward I know our marriage will be better than it ever has before. My love for you has grown stronger and want nothing more than to be a family again. However, I cannot let you continue disrespecting me or our marriage. I will be happy to discuss any financial matters or Son but until you have ended your affair, everything else is off the table.

I am guessing she will ask where this came from and my response not mention of her OM simply I have grown up and became the man, the husband you wished I would be.

Beardown

It's my nature to edit! Sorry BD!

"W, despite everything that has and is happening, I love you and want to save our marriage. The past four months have been hell, but I also think that it is the best thing that has ever happened to me and our M. For me, this has been an opportunity to become a better man and to really learn what it takes to be successful in marriage. I have fought for you, our M, and our family. I have done everything in my power to learn about my shortcomings in our M and about how I can make sure that I am better, and that this never again happens. Whether it's with you or someone new. I want to be clear. I very much want it to be you. And I truly believe that we can have a GREAT M. Not average. Great. However, you are still with OM. Still seeing him, still talking to him, and still spending time with him. It is disrespectful to me, to our M, and to our family. I have tried to be patient and to give you time to seek your own happiness. I do that because I love you, I want you to be happy, and because, first and foremost, you are my friend. For now, I will continue to be patient and give you time. But I can no longer continue to be an active part of your life as long as there are any other men. I won't. So, I am asking that we now limit our contact to matters that pertain to our son and to our finances. Let me know if and when you decide that you want to truly work on our M. I would be open to discussing what that would mean at that time. I appreciate you understanding. H"

If she asks where this is coming from, simply tell her that it has been something that you have been thinking about and that you just won't continue to be disrespected. Be honest with her without being mushy, pressuring, or pursuing.