W was much more open today about her whereabouts and what she is up to. She also said she could not do this without my support! I thought this would be a good opportunity to clear the air re financial support and I said I hope she realises that I do support her decision, but I am not in a position to support her financially and that I have to do what I think is right for everyone. She agreed! and said I know and understand your stance. She re-iterated her need for support with caring for S whilst she gets the house ready and continued support when she leaves. I said I am enjoying spending the time with him and that it is no problem at all.
I cooked dinner and she said it was yummy and thanked me. She even made a joke about how good I would look with an apron on. I suggested why doesnt she go early if there is work to do at the house and I will get S ready for bed etc then she can get back at a decent time and relax. She accepted, thanked me again and went.
Am I being overly nice now? I only ask because I do know one of my tendencies is to swing either way between stubborn/awkward and overly nice! and not always getting the balance right. Not one of my best traits and another thing I have been working on.
I am going out tomorrow night. Again, I had not been telling her full details (wanted to try and work on a bit of mystery) and she has never previously asked. Tonight she asked where I was going tomorrow night and who with. She followed it up quickly with 'you dont need to tell me if you dont want'. I told her - I was meeting an old work friend for a catch up who I have not seen for a few months.
Again, I must stress that I am trying to keep my feet on the ground as I know how the moods can change. But this all seems to be much more positive interaction.
Finally had my first DB coaching session. Thought it went well. Given the time I have now put into these boards and the good advice I keep getting for you all my coach said I had made good progress so far and seem to be learning from my mistakes. Coach made a good point re making sure I continue to 180 W negative expectations about me. More for me to work on re communication so the positive interactions continue.
Coach asked for more detail about W behaviours and confirmed that it was MLC. Even though I prob knew this it was good to get confirmation. I know I should not get hung up about a diagnosis but the research I have done on MLC has helped me curb some of my frustration.
Coach explained that W will likely be building up a support network (OM is part of that and that is where the old friends have come back into the picture). Coach said a trick will be making sure W sees me as part of the support network as opposed to an outsider. Coach said if I had it in me to champion OM (re her leaning on him)and do a complete 180, there is a chance W barriers may come down and she could see me as part of/let me into that network. Not sure if I could do that but I will give it serious thought.
Coach said it is important that she feels loved by me (even thought I am not to say it)and that in MLC she will look for that even thought she may never acknowledge it.
That the anger she expressed noticing the 180's is common and means she has noticed and it is making her question her own thoughts/perceptions of me.
Making W feel loved is still an area I need to work on a lot. Especially given her main LL is words of affirmation! this could be difficult but I will keep trying.
Given I was dreading full separation, now that it is here I finally seem to be getting my act together!
Lots to work on and lots to think about so v productive session and glad I did it.
Thanks again everyone who continues to follow my sitch.
