Still together but trying to save this

[Denver_2010]

Okay... I need to clarify. Maybe I should not have used the word 'dark'. The definition of what 'dark' is around here differs.

Personally, it is VERY rare that I would suggest to go completely dark, no contact whatsoever.

Maybe the better word is 'dim'.

Anyway, what i mean when I say go dark/dim for now is don't initiate contact. When your W initiates contact, and she will, keep your responses polite, short, and to the point. I also advise people NOT to open the door to keeping the conversation going by asking questions. Let the WAW do the heavy lifting on keeping a conversation going. If she wants to keep talking, she will make it happen. That's my opinion.

Your W initiated contact today and you responded quite well IMO. Your response was polite, short, and to the point. You didn't invite her to engage in more conversation. It was REALLY GOOD. IMO

Do you see how she is finding reasons to contact you? I realize that we had a major storm and that she needs to figure out how to get all of her things, but her texts seem to be frequent. To me anyway.

Also noteworthy to me is the fact that she keeps bringing up this notion that you clearly don't want to talk to her... she's sorry for bothering you, she will get out of your hair, she knows that you can't wait to get her stuff out of your house, etc.

IMO, she is wondering what is going on in your head. I stress that this is my opinion only, and I do recognize that I am mind reading (not recommended). I absolutely could be wrong. So please read this with extreme caution. I don't want to get your hopes up.

My point is that I do see progress with what you are doing. I'm making that point because I don't want to see you change anything up right now IF it is working.

I have to disagree with AS a bit. At least I think that I'm disagreeing... maybe I'm just not reading his post correctly, but LRT does not call for complete no contact. It is more along the lines of what I describe above... dim.

I also disagree that you are not in the place for LRT. There is an OM and she has told you that she wants a D. MWD is clear that those are two scenerios where you should be in LRT. I agree with her.

As long as OM is in the picture, she will not be open to really accepting your changes. She will not be open to any kind of R with you.

Your goal is to confuse her thinking. Make her wonder if she is doing the right thing by being with OM. You do that by making her wonder if she is losing you, that you are no longer an option for her. You do that by being polite and kind when you talk to her. YOu do that by working on your 180's and letting her notice from afar... and if you do it right, she WILL see it.

Your 180's are important for sure... for you, first of all. But so that you are ready to truly show her that you have REALLY changed if and when the opportunity arises where she will be open to it.

I highly suggest that you continue doing what you are doing. And I reiterate that I think that you are doing really well right now.