Tomorrow I am starting NC again..especially since he said that my girls and I were evil and he was done. He claims I have killed the relationship he had with them.
I know this is hard, but you have got to quit getting drawn into the texting matches! Leave him alone to sort through all this. I'm sure at some level he knows he's to blame for the bad R with the kids, but he's trying to reflect it onto you. When you don't reply it's like you hold a mirror up and all his ugly texts just bounce back in his face.
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I also got a text today that said "I had no self esteem when I met OW and now I do and you could have done better to help that" also said that "I am never coming back to you guys...ever" so I guess he is in his happy place at her house 5 mins down the street.
Really? He doesn't sound happy. Not at all. He sounds extremely bitter and angry. I bet OW is starting to wonder why in the world he sits there spewing hateful messages hour after hour. And you can bet he's also bending her ear non-stop. It will be interesting to see how much she can take.
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Its so hard to stay on Db mode when H is screaming how done he is and how great OW is.
But that's EXACTLY what DB'ing is for! You detach from his craziness and work on yourself. He sends nasty texts, you ignore them. He calls you and starts ranting, you tell him to call back when he's calm. If he calls you calm and wants to talk, THEN you talk. You do not engage him during the storm, wait until it's calm! Meanwhile, work on yourself! Get out, meet people, go to church, do lunch with friends, walk, bike, fly a kite, whatever it takes to get back in touch with you!
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I hate her so much! Do you think that the WAS has some guilt while with her, even if he says he is done? I cannot help but to hope that he is suffering some. I know that is mean, but honestly, I want him to suffer and be sad. I hate thinking he is happy.
It's OK to vent, but just make sure you're not harboring a lot of anger towards H and OW. DB'ing isn't about anger or revenge. It's about detaching yourself from that situation and from all the nasty thoughts that go with it. Release all that negative energy and focus on you and your PMA. It helps to realize that your H is not thinking rationally right now, internally a storm is raging and he's completely confused. Think of him is being ill, because that's not far from the truth. You should feel sorry for him instead of angry towards him. OW is just a symptom of his illness. The happier and more content you are, then the faster your H will realize the problem is him and not you. You need to be the polar opposite of his accusations. That means no more driving by OW's house and no more nasty texts!
