Ok, so she isn't a WAS but I told her I was sorry and didn't really want her to leave, that I didn't actually want to break up with her, so it's no longer my wish. So what now?
Now you work on yourself. Stick with your 180's and give her time and space. If she still wants to leave then let her. Tell her you understand why she feels that way and you support her decision. This is validating her feelings without agreeing or disagreeing with the move itself. That's what you want to do. It's HER decision, you're just supporting her.
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Ok, that makes more sense about LET & 180's. Right now I've been focusing big time on 180's. Yes, this weekend was the start but I'm keeping focused on the 180's.
Good. Stick with them. Keep sticking with them until they're no longer 180's, they are part of the new you. That's the goal- for them to become a natural extension of you.
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I said, "I'm sorry you feel like I don't listen". I didn't agree that I don't listen but I recognized that's how she felt at the moment. One of the DB rules is don't argue about how they feel, so I didn't.
Pretty good, but remember it's about validating emotions. So first you want her to share her emotions about this. Say something like "it sounds like you're frustrated because you feel like I don't listen, are you frustrated about that?" And if she says yes then say "That sounds difficult for you, I'm sorry you feel frustrated." IE, "frustrated" is the emotion you're trying to get to and validate. Or it could be "angry" or "upset" or "anxious" or whatever.
