My husband told me he did not love me and wants a divorce in mid-July this year. I did the usual begging for us to work on our marriage. I finally caved and told him "ok" a few weeks ago. He was just so unhappy and didn't WANT to save our marriage.
Right now he feels caged in. Your job is to open the cage door. If he says he wants a D, then validate his emotions. This doesn't mean agreeing or disagreeing, it's just telling him things like "you sound frustrated in the M, I can understand why you feel that way and I support you in your decision." This will diffuse the conflict and make him feel like you're on his side instead of warring with him. If he says he wants to leave then tell him "I understand why you feel that way, and I want you to be happy. If you think this will make you happy then I support you." Again, you're not telling him to leave, you are just validating his feelings. That's opening the cage door. He may decide he doesn't want to step outside after all once he realizes he's not caged in. But even if he does leave, that's not the end of it. Some people need to leave to get the time and space they want.
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I just can't kick him out of the bedroom right now because it is NOT what I ultimately want. But it confuses the heck out of me!!!
Don't kick him out, let him make those choices. You stay in the bed regardless though. If he wants to leave then let him. But you act "as if" everything is fine no matter what he does.
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My question is WHY? Why does a person who wants out of a marriage still sleep next to their spouse?
Because he's not logical or rational right now. He's operating purely off of emotions. He will say and do things that don't make sense and contradict each other. Don't try to figure it out, just detach and leave him to it.
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Can anyone please give me hope that he might still want me?
Sure, not right now but stick to DB'ing and there's a good chance of reconciling down the road. There are no guarantees, but DB'ing has a much better success rate than other techniques.
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But I CAN become a better person.
Good. Make that your focus. He will notice. Don't say it, just do it. Give him time to accept your changes.
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I have not brought up our marriage since "agreeing" and haven't even mentioned the divorce (or its aftermath) for the last two weeks or so.
Great, don't ever initiate conversations like this. If he brings it up then talk to him, but don't bring it up yourself.
