H called right before I was leaving for an AA meeting...I had beeped him before posting to bb...sorry guys and gals...wrong of me...I know...I was obsessing. Anyway...I was solution focused and told him that I didn't feel that no contact would work for me that it was setting me up to fail and setting us up to fight...asked if I did not call or beep him or email him during the day, if he would call me at night...just for a few minutes of conversation each evening... he agreed...after saying at first that he didn't want to talk to me and saying that I had said too many mean things about him and his family...I pointed out that he had said many mean things about me as well..but that I was over being angry with him and that I was now just angry at the whole situation....he said once again that he was sending me a check so that I would have some money...actually...he is very much a material giver so this is a good thing...if he really hated me and really wanted no contact ...he would not be sending money and would not be calling at all....don't you all agree? He still is saying that he can't take anymore of this and that it is always something...but I have a little hope now....and it's only been two days since he's been back at work and we've had any contact at all with each other...so, now, I need to really NOT call him during the day...NOT email him...and NOT beep him....so that he sees I can stick to an agreement and then carry on a nice civil conversation with him when we do talk at night. I need to think of some ways to make him laugh and some ways to keep things light...fun...to bring him down from the tower where he's shooting at me from right now.....any ideas? Last time he got like this I validated him like crazy and it worked...it was sooooo hard on me though...what has worked for others?????
Input please! At least I can sleep tonight...knowing he cared enough to call me...whether he later says it was just to keep me from calling and beeping him during the day or not...(which is what he may say if he gets too angry again) He is capable of saying things like that to hurt me....I need to not take things personally....and back off for now...just focus on good evening talks...that make him notice changes in me...Comments welcomed, desired, needed....please! Help!
