The crack in my perfect life...

[Sweetbriar]

We are safe! The storm was bad last night, and we do have one uprooted tree in the back, far from the house, but other than that, we are good!

This morning, while both myself and my girls were still in bed, H calls and says he is in the driveway and needs to talk to all of us. In hindsight, I should have said that we are all still sleeping and refuse to let him in, but I woke up the girls and let him talk to us. He was there to tell us that he loves his kids, but that he also loves his OW and that he is dating her. He was there last night and that he isn't going to lie anymore. NO secrets.

He went on to say that he is "NEVER coming back and that we need to understand that...marriages end and that he is not in love with me anymore...he loves OW" He said that I was a monster our "whole marriage" and that is why he cannot ever be with me again. I then stepped in and said that I will not let him come in and talk about me that way in front of the kids. He told the kids that his personal relationships have nothing to do with them and he didnt leave them...he left the marriage. Well, even my lawyer said that he made the choice to leave all of us for OW, so in essence, he left us all.

H went on to say that he cannot wait for baby to be born and that it may help him with his sadness. (once again...looking for something to make him feel better) and he also said that OW cares about him which we dont. He told the kids that he doesnt appreciate their disrespect towards him and that he is a great dad. He said that the definition of a good dad is someone who provides for their kids and loves their kids and my D14 said, no that isnt...its someone who doesnt walk out on their kids.

I didnt say much at first, but then when he started to attack that I have out all this stuff in the kids head and telling my kids that "your mom is killing my relationship with you gilrs" I got mad:( I then started to be mean back. It didnt go anywhere good from there..we went back and forth in front of the kids when I asked him to speak to me privately instead.

My poor kids had to hear us fighting yet again, and I hate that. I also just reassured H why he loves OW and not me.

I walked H to the door and he said "you are so ugly..you will never find another man" and he left:( That made me so sad he said that...never has he said that.

So, after he left (and lots of other things were said) H called and I said that its not fair he gets to come make a wreck of our morning and then leave once the kids are very emotional. He said that he just does not want anything to do with me and that he would never come back to live in our home again...he wants to be with OW. This is the first time he has really been open about her, so I guess they are an official thing. H said that he know everything about her and she is a good lady:( OF course, here I am taking care of the house and his kids and unborn baby, but she is the good lady. I did kinda show a mean streak, I admit, but I felt cornerned by him.

H claims that he has suffered for 2 months at his parents crying everynight over his kids and that he had stopped seeing OW for awhile, but he always has loved her. He even went as far as to say that "we never had a honeymoon phase" and that he always was unhappy.

I admit, that I didnt make things any better today, but I was totally caught off guard with him coming over and Im sad again today. I really believe that this is the end. He was very sure of himself that he loves her and he is never returning to our family. He says he knows what he stands to lose...

H also mentioned that we are at rock bottom and I advised that I am not. He says he has no money and that Im "out all the time". I don't spend any money on anything except my kids and the household...period.

So now, I continue to move forward. Its so hard after hearing all of those things. Just a knife cutting me again and again when he talks about how great OW is. I just dont see that relationship ending any time soon:(:( I want to believe you Snodderly when you say that he does feel guilt and shame, but he doesnt act like it at all. H did say that he was so sad the night before that he wanted to end his life and die...I guess OW talked to him and that maybe prompted his visit?? Who knows...

His vist got us nowhere except me a bit angrier. I just dont feel like there is any chance...Im beginning to get discouraged that there is too much that has been said and done to ever R?

He is certainly NOT walking around with his tail tucked...he is acting like IM THE BAD ONE and that he has a great relationship now that he was owed. I guess that when they meet someone else who is meeting their needs, the wife get thrown in the trash.

One more weird thing...after all the mean, vicious things , he did say to me while on the phone, "I do love you and care about you but I dont want to ever be married to you again"

UGGGG....