Someone posted something about the Stockdale Paradox not to long ago, and it struck me. I still believe in reconciliation, but I am not going to bury my head in the sand and not focus on my goal. The d is one battle that I can not win, and I need to withdraw from it and focus my energy elsewhere.
Me 37/W 32 S 5 D 4 ILYBNILWY 5/12 Sep 8/12 Starting to find myself 11/12 on
Yes wife is pushing it. I have asked to her to hold off, but to no avail. She does not like the townhouse she is renting and wants to find a place to buy.
I understand. I have a feeling my W is going to end up pushing for D prematurely because of her financial situation. I prepared a spreadsheet for her before she left showing her how difficult it was going to be, but the reality of it is just now hitting her. I suspect she'll see D as her financial bonanza (since I'll have to pay her for half our house). AS you say, D is a piece of paper, it doesn't close the door on reconciliation. I'm glad you can see that
Ride the wave eyesopen. Don't encourage or support the D but don't try and control her. As long as you make her aware that this is not the path you want to follow then you have stated your wants/needs. This may be a battle she's fighting inside. She's Jupiter. Stay away from the hurricanes. Don't let that paper (D) take too much of eyesopen's focus away from the journey.
M 42 H 39 T10 (-2yrs separation) S8 D5 DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA) Reconciled 6/2013 Separation in works 1/2017
Have a look around this site to see how many people have threatened to file, or even filed for D yet, never pushed it to the end.
It takes time and effort and saying it is much easier than doing it and bringing it to completion. Anything can happen between now and then and as much as I know how difficult it is, I'd say try not to think about it too much. First there is nothing you can do about it and, it might just never happen.
Take care mate!
Freshman Class of 2012
M-49 W-42 1D-10 T 10 YEARS M 9 YEARS EA/MLC 07/2010 Separation 28/05/2012 PA confirmed 31/07/12 W Asked for D 31/07/12 D on and off the table since then
I know there is nothing I can do about it other than continue to grow as a person. It is a fine line when negotiating d terms. I am not going to lay down, on the other hand I don't want to be a jerk and ruin any chances down the road.
Me 37/W 32 S 5 D 4 ILYBNILWY 5/12 Sep 8/12 Starting to find myself 11/12 on
Learned a little something today. After last night and today on the phone, tension was a bit high, due to d negotiations. So when I picked up the kids, w was not the most chipper I have ever seen. I went in with the as if attitude, and it didn't take long for her to warm up. Not sun tan warm, more like nice spring day.
Then when the kids didn't want to leave her I did the same. Acted like it didn't affect me and showed her my strength and confidence. I realized I have more influence than I thought.
Me 37/W 32 S 5 D 4 ILYBNILWY 5/12 Sep 8/12 Starting to find myself 11/12 on
After reflecting on todays interactions I realized that my conversations today were not forced for me. It was just me talking and listening, being supportive and compassionate. Makes me start to really believe in myself again.
I knew last week I was on the edge of something. Pretty sure I am sitting with my feet hanging over it now.
Me 37/W 32 S 5 D 4 ILYBNILWY 5/12 Sep 8/12 Starting to find myself 11/12 on
Then when the kids didn't want to leave her I did the same. Acted like it didn't affect me and showed her my strength and confidence. I realized I have more influence than I thought.
YES YOU DO!!!
M 42 H 39 T10 (-2yrs separation) S8 D5 DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA) Reconciled 6/2013 Separation in works 1/2017
Learned a little something today. After last night and today on the phone, tension was a bit high, due to d negotiations. So when I picked up the kids, w was not the most chipper I have ever seen. I went in with the as if attitude, and it didn't take long for her to warm up. Not sun tan warm, more like nice spring day.
Then when the kids didn't want to leave her I did the same. Acted like it didn't affect me and showed her my strength and confidence. I realized I have more influence than I thought.
Did you act or is that how you really felt? If it was the truth, then congrats.
