Still together but trying to save this

[PeteWyo]

AS, Thank you for the quick reply. To clarify my situation. Yes, I had a major anxiety problem that I was not admitting to, not even to myself, and I never sought help. I have talked to all of my friends and family about it and got that monkey off my back. That in itself helped me a lot. Just knowing that I could rely on people and that I didn't have to face my anxiety on my own. I am taking some medication and that is helping and I have been going to a therapist to get to the root of my anxiety issues. All that being said, I believe I have a good start on a solid long term fix to my anxiety. I have been going out in social situations all the time and rebuilding the relationships that I may have damaged by being closed off and recluse. The other issue that I have realized with the help of my IC is setting my own expectations. Not sure whether I have been trying to live up to my father's expectations or my own unrealistic expectations but either way I have reevaluated my situation. I took a different position with my work in an effort to reduce work stress. It is less money but I will be able to focus on and enjoy my friends and family more rather than being obsessed with furthering my career and missing out on living my life! This was a huge step for me.

To be honest other than that, nothing else was brought to my attention as being an issue. Our communication was definitely the problem. In our MC mandated "date" a couple months ago, we had a great conversation, she told me a couple of things that she was upset about in the past. I reminded her of how the conversation went down, and she said, "Oh yeah, you know what? You are right. I think we just had a lot of miscommunications." That is the most frustrating thing to me. So many times throughout our marriage, I would tell her, I just want you to have an opinion. She would just accept my point of view without even voicing an opinion. So I just assumed she agreed. Apparently she did not but would smile and nod and then go tell her friends that I was too controlling. When all she had to do was tell me, "Ya know, I think we should do it this way instead." She has told me that she never did that because she was afraid that we would get into a fight, and she didn't want to get upset or upset me. That fear is unbased since we never fought (like 5 actual arguments in 6 years). So the communication thing does worry me. My anxiety caused me to be recluse, not so much at home with her as when we were out but still there too. So I am afraid by not responding to her, she thinks I am just being a jerk and writing her off when this is far from the truth! I have learned to control my anxiety and I am still working on a long term solution but the medication does the trick for now. I am no longer obsessing over my job and enjoying the relationships that I have. I want her to see that so bad and I fear that if I just go dark on her that she will run away from the possible hurt again. On the other side of the coin, in the beginning of our separation, I was trying to keep things light, sending her funny emails, etc, but never really got any response. I hope my rambling makes some sense.