Denver, Bond, anyone else. I really need some advice here. I feel so bad being cold and unresponsive.
Well hopefully I won't confuse things, but I went back and spot read this thread to try and get the picture of your sitch. It sounds like the advice you're getting is to go completely dark, which is the LRT. Personally, and this is just my opinion, I don't think you're in a good position for the LRT. Because of comments like this:
"Well that is a complicated situation. I would love to do some 180s with my wife. But she isn't around. She is staying with a friend and isn't in the house. I basically told her early on that it was the OM or me and it appears that she has made her choice. I would love to continue to be in some sort of relationship with my W but I don't know at this point what to believe. I can't do too many 180s with my W because all of her issues (at least the ones that she has told me about) stem from my anxiety and work stress."
What I'm reading here is that you have some kind of anxiety problem, first let me ask what are you doing about that? Are you on med's for it now? Second, it appears to this point that you've done no 180's. Here's the problem- your W is not interested in resuming the old marriage with the old you. You're not going to be able to attract her back to that, it didn't work and she's done. However, she may be interested in a better marriage with a different you, a you that has done 180's on all your problems and is dedicated to making those 180's permanent. Here's the conundrum- how is she going to be interested in that if you haven't shown her any 180's?
Also, I didn't see any comments from you about how your communication with W was during the marriage. Were you somewhat detached from her and maybe a bit cold in communications? If so, then LRT could very well be perceived by your W as "more of the same" behavior. Michele warns about this in DR.
I'm not telling you not to go LRT, just offering some thoughts so you can make a more educated decision about it. I highly recommend you re-read the section in DR about LRT as a refresher.
