Maybe I did a backslide last night....W went out with some friends who are moving out of town...she took daughters...and I called them at 9 to say goodnight..no answer..I should have probably left it at that but I kept calling and there was no answer so at 10 I drove by the house where they stay and they were not there then I call later about 11 and d(11) answers the phone they are on their way home...W wants to talk imediately and she is angry why I would be calling so late...I am angry she has the girls out so late on a school night..when d(11) is failing two classes....so we get in an argument on the phone and she hangs up an then texts me that she is seeing red that I will call d(11) to bitch out her mother..a gross reminder". Maybe I should not have called but it is in my nature to worry when my kids aren't at home at 11..thought something happened...
I let her know that I was not looking for a fight that I just got defensive when she got on the phone yelling at me....she then said ok...emotional evening...
I am angry she has the girls out so late on a school night
Is this a previously established boundary that you and W had agreed to? I'm guessing it's not. But it should be. The two of you should sit down and discuss these things and come to an agreement. Yelling at her on the phone at 11:00 at night is not the way to handle it!
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she hangs up an then texts me that she is seeing red that I will call d(11) to bitch out her mother..a gross reminder"
I'm sure she perceives it as "more of the same" behavior from you. You're supposed to be avoiding that and working on 180s. A 180 might have been "W, I'm sorry about the confusion, we should have discussed this before but now I realize I never brought it up. Please let me know when you have time and we can talk about it and work out what the two of us think is a fair and reasonable time to have the girls home on weeknights and on weekends."
yes I know I should have handled it better but I read on anotherstander sitch someone had reported that you have to have some fights so I thought I should stand up a little...I don't want to look like someone who is always rolling over do I?
yes I know I should have handled it better but I read on anotherstander sitch someone had reported that you have to have some fights so I thought I should stand up a little...I don't want to look like someone who is always rolling over do I?
That author claims that some fighting is healthy to keep a good marriage strong. It's not intended as a way of fixing a failing marriage though, in fact fighting has the opposite effect on a failing marriage. If you fight with your WAW then she just becomes more convinced that she really is right in leaving and that there's no hope.
Nothing to worry about though. This is not going to affect your sitch in the long run. You f%&ked up, learn from it. Something similar happened to W and I a few months back and now, it's all water under the bridge. We are actually at a point where we have nice long meaningful convos. I'd never have imagined that back then.
Freshman Class of 2012
M-49 W-42 1D-10 T 10 YEARS M 9 YEARS EA/MLC 07/2010 Separation 28/05/2012 PA confirmed 31/07/12 W Asked for D 31/07/12 D on and off the table since then
Thanks Arsne..it is hard not to beat yourself up sometimes about this situation...a lot of times I feel like I can make no mistakes to make this work..that I have to be perfect. The hard part for me is that I have to let my kids go and they don't want to go there.
I think W is approaching in about to have her P and that is always an interesting time sometime she is melancholy and sometimes see is raging...so I am going to try and stay away at this time...I think it is all part of her perimenopause. Has anyone else had expierence with this?
went to school fundraiser last night...lots of people asking where W is I just said she is at home with the kids.....which is not really a lie but I just don't want to talk about it right now...
