Keep breathing...

[2chiquitos]

On a total side note, I am working on a new project that I am excited about. I am going to be doing some pro bono work for a health clinic in one of the poorest areas of LA. I will be helping them develop a brand strategy so that they can reach potential patients more effectively. Given that I am still recovering from my horrendous work situation in which I wasn't valued or appreciated whatsoever, this will be a nice change of pace and some excellent GAL.

This will totally help you build your self-esteem! I would love to be able to do something like this! Good for you RegretfulLA! I think you'll enjoy it ;-)

[greatwhitenorth]

New gig sounds fantastic! I bet it takes your mind off things and gives you some great new perspective.

[Breakdown]

I used to think that H loved me no matter what, even if he was cruel and distant. I knew that he loved me. Now, I'm not so sure. The texts that I read were pretty much cold and callous, not emotional and weepy. I don't see any signs of love or much caring now and I feel like there's a chance he may have turned off for good, or at least for now. But he does try now and then, and I think backing off the back rubs might help create some demand.

I can't speak for your H, but this sounds a lot like me, and my W has said things almost verbatim to me.

On the bright side, she was right. My W is the love of my life and I am so fortunate to have her. Unfortunately, there was a whole bunch of crap that got in the way of me showing her....my insecurity, anger, hurt, lack of communication skills. I really didn't have a good idea how to show my W I loved her, even if I didn't have all the baggage and problems.

And with regards to sounding cold and hateful, this is our shield. It is how we protect ourselves, how we feel better about our lives, how we feel strength in moving forward. Remember, believe nothing of what they say and only half of what they do.

If you are going to assume something, don't let it be that he doesn't love you....let it be that he doesn't understand how to love you.

[labug]

When you let the shield down, you become vulnerable.

If people get too close they have the ability to hurt you. Keep them at arm's length. Don't show them how much you love them.

It's easier than being hurt.

From: LaBug's Lessons on How to Kill Your Relationship

[Grateful]

You and I must have co-authored that book.

[Breakdown]

When you let the shield down, you become vulnerable.

If people get too close they have the ability to hurt you. Keep them at arm's length. Don't show them how much you love them.

It's easier than being hurt.

From: LaBug's Lessons on How to Kill Your Relationship

I think I was in that made for TV movie of your book

[keep_going]

When you let the shield down, you become vulnerable.

If people get too close they have the ability to hurt you. Keep them at arm's length. Don't show them how much you love them.

It's easier than being hurt.

From: LaBug's Lessons on How to Kill Your Relationship

I think many of us here relate to this 100%.

Thanks, Labug for reminding us that we are not all crazy or some kind of monster, just flawed individuals trying to learn from their mistakes.

[needgrace]

yes, great post, bug...

and probably true for the WAS as well.

[mamabird]

Well, it does help to make light of these situations I guess and comforting to know that our reactions aren't out of whack. I am so caught up in my own feeling bad and neglected that I often forget that my H is dealing with his own demons too.

Breakdown, I can only hope that my H follows in your footsteps and is somehow able to shed the years of negative imprinting. Even to see him try or to admit his shortcomings would be a big step, and maybe he will be ready to take that step in the next few months. I did get the feeling from the communications that I intercepted that he is really trying to convince himself that he's better off without me, and unfortunately not many of his friends told him that he had a part in it too. He is (or was) quite invested in playing the role of "victim". (maybe he'll get that part in our TV movie, ha ha)

[mamabird]

I had a moment of weakness this morning. I don't know if I can call it a backslide because I don't think it was.

The lack of emotional support is really starting to get to me. It's almost like a form of torture to be honest. I know that I need to be strong and get through it but at times it gets to be too much to bear. I hurt my knee yesterday, and we have had a lot of problems with our renter over the past week. We haven't gotten her rent check and she is conveniently not returning my phone calls and texts. We have been kissing her a$$ nonstop so I am not sure what her problem is.

Anyway, my H comes along this am and says (to the kids), "Who needs a hug?" and I say, "I do.". He complies but very hesitantly. I tell him that this is what I need and he says he doesn't want to have the conversation right now. Last night I asked him for comfort too and he couldn't come up with much.

He sees that I am upset by this though and tells me to have a good day, which isn't much but I think he is trying. Or at least he thinks he is. Breakdown says he doesn't know HOW to love me so I am trying to keep that in perspective. On the other hand, I keep thinking back to a time about a year ago when I had a breakdown (no pun intended), and his response was that he knew I needed more from him but he had nothing left to give me. Now I am wondering why I didn't ask him why he thought it was ok for me to be last on the list. Or more importantly, why I accepted that it was ok.

Regarding his birthday, he finally committed to a simple family dinner out, and I'm pleased with that plan. I got him a card with a little roller coaster on it that basically said that even though we have our ups and downs that our relationship was still the most important thing in the world to me and that he is a wonderful H. It seemed appropriate without being over the top.