Lost and confused

[Soul.Searching]

First let me just mention that the punch-through type repair kits are for tubeless tires, so your H is right about not using it on a bike tire. They make patch kits for tubes, you don't have to buy a new tube. You have to remove the tube, air it up, submerge it in water to find the leak, dry the leak area, glue the patch on and reassemble.

It's not a punch-through type. It's a tube type. Im really not sure what to do about this. On one hand i feel like H still has that control over me. On the other i would like he to respect my wishes regarding the kids. I just dont see this one should even be an issue.

So sorry you're hurting Detaching isn't leaving him behind though. It's just pulling back and working on yourself and giving him time and space. I understand you don't want to, but it'll help him and it'll help you. I was interested to read that most of what you posted under "me" wasn't about you at all, but your H. Just remember, detaching isn't about dwelling on H and your sitch, it's the opposite of that. It's about getting control of your life back and changing your focus. It's about getting back in touch with the person you were before you got married. Finding your strength, independence, contentment and happiness. These things don't come from your H, they come from within. You've got to find them again. When you do your H will notice, and THAT is usually when the WAS starts showing interest again. The thing about this is you can't fool yourself into thinking "OK, I'm happy and content now, when will H notice and come back????" because that clearly indicates you're still needy and have NOT found yourself. When you find yourself you'll know it. You'll still care about H, but you'll know you'll be fine with or without him. Based on your posts you're a long, long way from that point. That's OK, it's not a race. Some people take quite a while to get there.

Wow, I didnt even realise i posted about H in the "me" section. lol,.. Thats a bit of a eye opener. I do know that i will be okay with out H. I also no it will be a long hard road. I know i'm no where okay but i will be!

I also feel this deep dispair that maybe it really is too late, maybe the damage is done. H just wants to party and I don't know if that will ever change.

I've been there too. What helped me was to pick up DR again and read some of the stories in it. Plus I went through all the success stories on these forums, here are some links:

Another Divorce Busted!

And also check out this sticky in MLC:

MLC Successes/Cinders list of Restored Marriages

And these bootcamp threads:

Successful Women

Successful Men

Unfortunately not all the links are active because some of the threads are quite old, but there's enough active links in there to keep you reading for quite a while. There are some newer success stories in the piecing forum that aren't included in the above, so look there too.

Anyway, when you read through the above what you will find are many examples of seemingly dead marriages that ended up reconciling. Read through them and I'm sure you'll find many examples similar to your own sitch, I know I did.[/quote]

Thanks, I will check them out later.

So Lisa, how are the goals coming?

What are you doing for you this week?

Focus on you, that's the only way to be a success at this.

The goals are coming slowly. I did zumba today and plan to do that at least three times a week. Im slowly sorting out the house, Man H has some stuff! ive also been going out quite a bit. Just to friends and familys houses mainly. Taking the kids out and shopping. I dont have any H orentated goals yet.

The nights are the hardest. H called lastnight, made a point of telling me he was out fishing in "Our" boat. That hurt. He knows i loved the boat and miss going out in it.

Im not sitting around the house moping.Mostly its the nights that get to me. Im feeling okay tonight though.