You mention that you've never been great at boundaries. Have you thought about assertiveness training, or a CODA group? Even a group or website for adult children of alcoholics would have tips about this. It's an unbelievably important skill for you to have so that you can teach it to your children.
Actually, I can be very assertive when I want to be. I am no shrinking violet, I assure you. One of H's texts said I was a "steamroller to the end." So, it's not that.
The issue is more one of insecurity around men and lingering feelings that I was unloveable and unattractive. At least I had OM1 and OM2 to prove me wrong there, and I lean on that thought when the old tapes start to play in my head.
I realize now that I have made some substandard choices in men because deep down I probably thought I couldn't do better. Don't get me wrong - my H is attractive, a good earner, a great dad. Loving guy in general, but deeply troubled, and I didn't realize how much until long after we were married. But we accept the love that we think we deserve, and I guess that after enduring a couple years of verbal and emotional abuse from both my H and my boss, my self esteem was basically non-existent, and so on some level this all became ok.
Me54, H53 M 23, T 25 S20, S18 BD: April 2024 Moved out: August 2024
Love means not giving up on someone even if they've given up on you.
"Being right is the booby prize of life." - Susan Page
