So this morning we have a good 45 minutes together before the kids wake up. Have some laughs and discuss general life and the news stories of the day etc. I made sure to not bring up any R conversation. Despite the ILYBINILWY confession at the weekend (and the fact she believes its too late to save 'us') I still dont think she is 100% comitted to us seperating. The logisitcs and not to mention the finances in itself is rather a sobering thought. I know she has seen my 180's - except she is telling me / herself that its good for the kids to see this 'new me'. I know it must be having an effect on her as well.
I also managed to get along with the ILYBINILWY that she felt we had been emotionally distant from each other for years and this was the end result. She mentioned that she hated that my 'down time' had become time on the PC.
She keeps insisting its too late but I think that she is currently trying to convince herself of that.
I left for work this mornin and she has already called me 3 times to talk about various things including how her mother was driving her crazy! I listened intently and validated her feelings without trying to offer adivce as I would have done in the past.
I would say stick with this site and spend your money on a coach or GAL. It seems lime all those sites and gurus make the same point as DB. Detach and GAL. I also have not found a forum with as much wisdom and compassion as what we have here.
Me 37/W 32 S 5 D 4 ILYBNILWY 5/12 Sep 8/12 Starting to find myself 11/12 on
It sounds like it might be the perfect time to work with a DB coach as there definitely seems like there is a crack in her armor! Your coach will help you plan the best strategy in how to approach and interact with her, that is most likely to get her to look at the situation and you differently. They are experts in these situations, and I know you will find it extremely beneficial and inspiring. I would look forward to talking to you. Take care.
Karen, Resource Coordinator The Divorce Busting Center 303-444-7004 karen@divorcebusting.com
Give me a call if you'd like to schedule an appointment to speak with a Divorce Busting® Coach.
Seems like its a lot of marketing for desperate guys like me?
I'm embarrassed to admit I bought a few "quick fix" guides before finding DB, not that particular one but they were on sites that looked way too much like that one. It's just a ploy to pay too much for what is basically something that would get a "C" if submitted as a high school weekend essay project. Don't do it, you'll just be angry at how badly you got ripped off.
Were you overly Beta in your marriage? If not, then no. Being more Alpha will not help. If yes, then just gradually try to step up the the plate. You're in no position to take the reins now!
Please explain.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
It sounds like it might be the perfect time to work with a DB coach as there definitely seems like there is a crack in her armor! Your coach will help you plan the best strategy in how to approach and interact with her, that is most likely to get her to look at the situation and you differently. They are experts in these situations, and I know you will find it extremely beneficial and inspiring. I would look forward to talking to you. Take care.
Hi Karen,
I feel like money is a bit tight at the moment but if this will really add to what I am already learning from the book then it would be good. I am already receiving individual counseling through my employee assistance at work, but I'm not sure that's really helping at the moment. Can you explain a little more how this would work for my individual situation? Thanks.
Were you overly Beta in your marriage? If not, then no. Being more Alpha will not help. If yes, then just gradually try to step up the the plate. You're in no position to take the reins now!
Please explain.
???
Maybe you disagree with the idea that some women, maybe even the majority of women, prefer a man with a more alpha personality who takes the lead. If so, that's ok, since I don't believe there are any reliable statistics on this. James already indicated he was overly beta, so it seems working to man up may be beneficial for his marriage, but that's for him to decide.
"You're in no position to take the reins now!" means that I believe because his M is on shaky ground, it would be best to proceed carefully with any Alpha Man Plan. Clear enough?
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
U say money is tight. D u know how much a D will cost u? Then money will be rly tight. If there is a crack in her armour like Karen states then u need to work it before the armour is even stronger - seriously, what r u waiting for.
I do understand re finance I am in the same boat and had to borrow the money. But its a few hundred as opposed to a few thousand that D will cost.
Also I expect ur individual counselling is focussed on u and how ur r dealing with sitch as opposed to working on the M. Does that make sense?
