A New Week... A New Opportunity...

[Denver_2010]

Thanks Denver. It means a lot to hear that maybe I'm not doing as bad as I felt I was this morning...

With all this talk of detachment, moving forward etc... It's hard to have days like today... When W crosses my mind during even the most trivial of moments... Like grocery shopping and realizing I'm still picking up HER favorite brands of things, even if they aren't my own...

And it's especially tough knowing I'm powerless to change the situation. My strength and conviction lies only in myself... something I'm still not completely comfortable with.

I've spent my whole life putting other's happiness before mine... knowing that if I could make someone else happy, that would, in turn, bring a smile to my face... But these days, I'm having to focus on simply trying to make MYSELF happy without the input or aid of others... and that's still a bit foreign to me.

I do know, deep down, that I'm going to be okay... that even if W and I never reconcile, I'll be able to live a happy life... even a fulfilling one. But there's still that nagging feeling that I could have or could currently be doing something MORE...

Oh well... I'm sure tomorrow will be better than today was, as thankfully these down days are just that now.... days... rather than weeks! I'll just go spend some time on other people's threads, giving advice that I should follow myself... Then I'll make some dinner and cuddle up on the couch with my puppy while watching an awful horror film... as that always cheers me up!

I get ALL of that. Did all of those things too. Like I said, normal and natural IMO. It is good that you recognize what is going on. When it happens, picture a big stop sign in your head... signifies the need to stop the line of thinking. Then go distract yourself by doing something to make YOU happy.