First, you need to relax. I know that is very hard and I have been where you are, but the best thing that you can do is give him the space and work on you.
You made some mistakes and some things were out of your control, but you need to forgive yourself for those things. Change those things and work on you. I know the hardest thing to do is letting go, but you have to let him go so that he can heal from all that has happened as well.
Yes, you know the answers and you know what has happened, but now he has to figure that out for himself. He has to see the changes in you, but they have to be changes that you are doing for yourself and not just changes to keep him.
He will know the difference and he will push many buttons once you start the changes to see if they are going to stick. Right now, he has to have his space because he is hurting as badly as you are right now.
So you need to stop sending him letters and all that because it is just more emotional things that are being put on his shoulders and that was the reason he wanted his space in the first place. So give him that space and heal yourself right now.
Forgive yourself and help yourself. That is what you can do for him right now to show him that you love him. That is how you are going to get your point across. So please, don't get stuck in the dumps where satan is trying to put you right now.
You said that you are trusting in the Lord, then ask him the areas that you need to change and ask him to help you to change them and make them perminant. That is where you can start.
