Husband (unfaithful) just told me he wants out.

[25yearsmlc]

Thank you, AnotherStander, for those responses. I love the lighthouse analogy. And it helps a lot to know others feel and have felt similar. I have to keep remembering this didn't happen overnight, it was cumulative. So it's not going to just improve overnight either.

exactly...

Retrovaille IS for couples only. It's for marriages in crisis, but it has a high success rate, considering. It's not as religious as some folks think (if that's an issue for your h b/c some people have issues with organized religion).

NO ONE talked about being Catholic at ours, and my h isn't Catholic anyhow. Plus, they have retreats for other denominations and mixed marriages too, but I doubt there are as many.

BTW It was founded by some Catholics in French Canada. "Retrovaille" means to "rediscover" (or "revisit".)

In my opinion, if you can get him there, for any reason, do so. There are "team couples" there who tell their stories and their marriage problems, and trust me, no matter what, THEIR Problems will make yours pale in comparison.

(They had children pass away, and or substance abuse problems, and or affairs, out of wedlock children, ETC)

And yet, here they were a few years later, telling us "Yes, it's worth it to work on the marriage."


Essential Experience is at present only offered on the east coast. (Their "grad" courses are offered on the west coast.)

Since I already know the value of that workshop AND what your issues specifically are, all I can say is there's nothing more worthy of spending your money on, (unless you need an organ transplant).

Hey, it's life changing and the most profound experience I've had like that. I'm not being overly dramatic either. It's like 3 years of therapy in one long weekend. More "efficient" - more noticeable and more effective. It's also tax deductible and we worked it out and realized it was about half or a third the cost of marriage counselling.

Not to take anything away from Retrovaille, but that's for couples whereas EE is for all the stuff life throws at you. It helps A LOT with marriages of course. But if your marriage is ending then it's even more needed.


NavyGuy and AutumnLeaves and Inshock (all DB ers) have attended it so you can ask them what they got out of it. There are some other DBers who are going in February or April, but it's probably best to keep it "anonymous" even though we sort of are now...

Also - for EE the other good news is that they provide the housing if you need it, so all you have to do is get there and not worry about a lot of added expenses. (Also, the tuition is about what it was when I attended in 1989...so, that is not bad.)

I don't want to bash other workshops b/c most people get "Something" out of looking at their lives for a few uninterrupted days, but I've gone to many in which recruitment is too emphasized. (Landmark is one) They work it too much like a business, when it ought to be about changing our lives and communities in the process. For instance, They'll keep pushing you to take another class, and the push you to get your friends to go.


ANYHOW, enough said. You'll get there if it's important.

So is the "reptile" thing a pet you have?

Oh and neither of you wants to have kids, correct? Was that ever an issue of contention?

Are your families nearby? Are they supportive?

What Did forgiveness look like when you were growing up? What was your parent's marriage like, and what was your h's parent's m like?

Sometimes we have to release some of what we "inherited" from our parents....if it's not helping us. (You'll be able to do that at EE btw)

Good luck BG.