H also has had plans for his "new life" he hasn't done at all. Never has ridden his mountain bike since he moved out. No journaling, extra gym workouts, etc. Just parties. And drinks.
Hi, RH I have been reading over your thread (it was the name I gotta say).
Your story has some familiarities to mine especially the part that you still have compassion for your h.
Yesterday my h was so down and now he gets cold so easily ( no warmth in this man) I felt so bad, covered him and an hour later listened to him spew about how his "new life" he was after didn't work.
Like yours he's done nothing other than begin smoking, smoking pot, and now some drinking is entering the mix. All his dreams for a better like un met.
Your h sound like he's still trying to maintain a link to you. My H doesn't want to leave me, or if he does move out wants to remain tethered.
Is this fair to us, would a clean bandad pull be easier. I rather need the contact but I feel as if I'm only hurting myself...because nothing is better no matter what I do.
Your S sounds awesome to be able to talk to h. My adult S"s don't even try any more, I feel silly sometimes when they see me talking or laughing to H, like they can move on why can't I.
You say your numb - that's were I can really relate as well. I call it my zombie state. I'm getting a little better these days but I'm still not happy happy girl, and I swear my face has aged way to fast.
Your right they are suffering and sad. I have so much sympathy for that sometimes I want to throw up, because he is not having any for me. It makes me sick to think It's all so one sided.
We can't help loving the men we chose, the father of our children, the future we worked to so hard to achieve. We should be reaching our better years, making plans for the future.
Well, I am reading your posts and learning as I go. I wish you the best in your journey.
The past can't be ahead of you in the future. You don't have to figure it all out, just pick a direction. What's next...I don't know but I can't wait!
