Still together but trying to save this

[Denver_2010]

I guess I just worry that if she doesn't find out the things I am doing to better myself she won't even consider getting back together as an option. Ultimately, I have come to accept that as a possible outcome and I know I will be ok either way. I just don't want to shut the door on the possibility by doing something wrong or shutting her out. I know her, and if she doesn't hear from me at some point she will just assume that there really is no going back and make no attempts to contact me any more, even if she ever really wanted to. She was never the person to initiate contact because she was afraid of what would happen, if people would like her. Hell, she didn't even really meet many of our neighbors because she is that afraid of it. She is not talking to any of the people that have seen the positive changes in my anxiety, including her sister. I guess, I don't need any more false hope and I certainly don't need to be second banana or be a door mat. I just don't want to miss an opportunity to tell her how well I am doing. She actively avoids contact with me and just sent an email saying I never respond to her. Which isn't actually true, but, I dunno. I'm torn.

Bond is right. I COMPLETELY understand how you are feeling right now. Remember though, DB is counter intuitive. Our normal responses to these types of situations usually only end up making things worse.

Your initial, normal, response to her last text is to respond with "It's okay babe I forgive you... ". I think that you should do the opposite. Either don't reply at all as Bond suggests, or, short, concise response:

"Thank you. Talk to you soon."

Who cares what OM is telling her. It doesn't matter what you do, he is going to be working against you. If you say that you've changed, he's going to tell her that you are just saying that to get her back. If you don't respond, he's going to say that you would be fighting for her if you cared. It doesn't matter what you do. So put that out of your mind. Either your W will see through his b.s. or she won't.

There is no guarantee that what we are telling you will work. In fact, the odds are probably not good. That is reality. DB worked for me, and I happen to think that it gives you the best chance.