My mistake has brought numerous nasty texts this morning...saying how he "doesnt love me" and that "marriages end and that we need to act like adults during this" and that he "needs to work and function so he can pay my bills".
Send him one response that says something like "I'm very sorry, I don't know why I drove by there and I've regretted it ever since. I let my emotions get the better of me. Please apologize to OW for me as well." Then if he keeps sending you more rants just ignore them.
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I admit that having them along when we saw him last night was not good, but he has long since killed the relationship by acting and doing what he did.
Please don't justify your behavior like that. You never, ever should have exposed the kids to that regardless of what you may think his R is with them. And if he really does have a poor R with them, you should be helping him/ them to rebuild it, not trying to tear it down even more. You're both using your kids against each other. This is exactly the sort of things that kids will remember with horror for years if not the rest of their lives. My brother is 49 and still remembers vividly when my dad took him (a young teen at the time) to our mom's house to confront OM. It was one of the most frightening moments of his life. Do you know who he blames for that? My dad, the one that took him. Likewise, your kids will remember YOU taking them, YOU rolling down the window, and YOU starting a fight. You might consider apologizing to them too. Sorry for the 2x4, but that's part of what these forums are about.
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He now has tons of reasons why he has made this choice...and he will continue to respond negatively, so I need to just stop texting him. It gets us nowhere.
Exactly. So is that what you're doing?
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He really is in a path of self destruction...his life with OW has taken a hold of him and he is convinced that it wont get better than that...
I guess if you keep telling yourself that then you may believe it some day, but one thing is for sure, it will never help your DB'ing efforts. If you keep seeing yourself as totally blameless and him as an evil demon bent on destruction then you'll never change. You'll just sit around wondering when he's going to change, and that will never bring him back. Quit focusing on him and start focusing on the one person you can change and control- yourself.
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My friends and family say I need to put a period and move on. That he is not worth it and I deserve so much better...
Read DR to find out how wrong they are. They only know one side of the story and they are acting accordingly. They are under the mistaken impression that if you end the M you will be "normal" and "happy". Divorce doesn't fix anything though.
