1) Is this normal? Why do they behave angry and like we're to be completely avoided? If you're angry and you've decided you want to leave me, what is there to be angry about?
It's not uncommon. I can tell you that my W actually did start treating me like trash for a few days, then came to me and said she just couldn't do it, that I didn't deserve it. I asked her why she thought she should treat me that way and she said it was because she thought it would be easier for me to get over her.
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2) How do I detach with love when I can't even say hi without a weird reaction? I'm trying to detach from his behavior by not responding to it at all, but am I supposed to be acting like he's not there at all? That seems like stooping to his level.
You don't have to act like he's not there, but just don't get caught up in his storm. To use the lighthouse analogy, you're the lighthouse built on rock- solid and immovable. He's the storm and the raging seas. He's all over the place, you're the beacon of safety. He rants and raves, you tell him you'll talk about it later when he's calm. He reaches out to talk about his feelings, you be a great listener. He treats you bad, you walk away. That's loving detachment, you're there when he needs you, but you're detached when he's storming.
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3) For your own sanity, how do / did you guys need to view your spouses when they were behaving unlike themselves and said they were leaving you?
My W hasn't gone MLC crazy like others I've read about, so I can't really respond well to this. All I can say is while she was home I did not even try to detach, I concentrated on showing her 180's and 5LL. When she left I felt like I had shown her enough such that I could detach.
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4) What is acting as if? Does that mean acting as if things are normal, or acting as if you're happy, or what?
It means acting as if your life will be fine with or without your spouse. It doesn't mean acting like things are normal, but more like acting like his craziness is not going to affect your contentment in life. It's showing him that your contentment and PMA are not dependent upon his mood. It's these:
12. Act as if you are moving on with your life. 17. You need to make your partner think that you have had an awakening and, as far as you are concerned, you are going to move on with your life, with or without your spouse. 19. No matter what you are feeling TODAY, only show your spouse happiness and contentment. Show him someone he would want to be around. 27. Take care of yourself (exercise, sleep, laugh & focus on all the other parts of your life that are not in turmoil).
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5) How do you know if your spouse is in a MLC or just "fell out of love"?
This isn't easy. There are plenty of shades of grey. The best you can do is read the tons of info on the MLC forum here and see if it sounds familiar. But keep in mind that most WAS's also exhibit at least a few MLC characteristics.
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6) I feel like in some ways, I'm mostly to blame for what's happening.
A portion of DB'ing is accepting your part in the failure of the marriage, determining what you did to contribute to it and doing 180's on those things. But keep in mind that while you are partially to blame for the marriage problems, you are NOT to blame for the destruction of the marriage if your spouse did not approach you previously about the perceived problems. The WAS deserves 100% of the blame in that case. Frequently they do nothing to save the M, they just walk away because "they're done". So that fault lies with them.
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7) Is it normal sometimes to vacillate between long moments or days of feeling like I'm totally fine and ok and peaceful about this, almost like it isn't happening - and then having moments of feeling nothing for this person?
When we lose our M we go through a grieving process similar to losing a loved one. We cycle through all kinds of emotions in no particular order. Eventually we come to acceptance, but it takes different amounts of time for different people. Best case scenario is months though.
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I feel like nothing I do right now makes any difference. I know it's only been about a week and a half, but I feel like I'm putting up with something.
You're right, that's not long enough to see results. It'll take months before you even start to see baby steps, and they'll be so small you may not even notice them at first. This is a marathon, not a sprint.
