Had a great day with the kids, now struggling tonight. W will pick them up in the morning and then it will be three and a half days before I see them again. Whenever it has been that long without seeing them it has been my choice. So I have some negative feelngs toward my w right now.
The thing is, she will normally only have to go one full day without seeing them. So how will she ever really miss them. She had planned on having them for Halloween, and decided to work so that I could take them. She overslept on Friday, so I brought the kids to her place and was a hour late for work. Work is pretty flexible so that wasn't that big of a deal. She sent me a text during the day apologizing for oversleeping, and to let me know that she was working so I could have the kids on Halloween. Her reason for working was because she would have them Sunday through Wednesday afternoon, and she figured I would be missing them. No bleeping bleep I will miss them. It took everything I had not to respond to that text.
I did respond to the apology. Just said it wasn't a big deal, as long as it doesn't become a issue. The part about the missing the kids though, still bothers me. I really have been staying pretty positive lately, but thinking about not seeing my children has me a bit down.
Me 37/W 32 S 5 D 4 ILYBNILWY 5/12 Sep 8/12 Starting to find myself 11/12 on
W just picked up the kids and she still can't even hardly look at me and talk. I know it is about patience and I struggle with that. I realize it may never work out between us, guess I am just looking for a little respect. There are those damn expectations again. Time to bury myself in some work and fun.
Me 37/W 32 S 5 D 4 ILYBNILWY 5/12 Sep 8/12 Starting to find myself 11/12 on
Yup, don't let it get to you mate. Try to detach to the point where these little things don't affect you. And you're right, no expectations.
Freshman Class of 2012
M-49 W-42 1D-10 T 10 YEARS M 9 YEARS EA/MLC 07/2010 Separation 28/05/2012 PA confirmed 31/07/12 W Asked for D 31/07/12 D on and off the table since then
So today w called to tell me that there is a DVD player on sale at Target. She took the one we had when she left. One of my goals was for her to initiate contact outside of child related topics. Is this a baby ant step or am I looking to hard. Whatever it was a goal was achieved. Should I ask her to come home? jk
She also has a friend that went in for a emergency surgery on Saturday. I asked about her friend, and I asked how she was doing with it. Something I wouldn't have done in the past. I know that sounds selfish, and it is. I have always been so focused on our family that I overlooked the individuals that make up that family, myself included. That is something I am trying to do with everyone I know. Trying to ask the right questions and learn how to listen.
I really am learning to drop my expectations. Todays interactions were nice though. Especially compared to the weekend.
All I can say is who knows, just keep putting one foot in front of the other.
Me 37/W 32 S 5 D 4 ILYBNILWY 5/12 Sep 8/12 Starting to find myself 11/12 on
Is this a baby ant step or am I looking to hard. Whatever it was a goal was achieved. Should I ask her to come home? jk
I'd wait 6 or 7 minutes and then ask Nice to see some humor around here now and then Sure it's a small step in the right direction, I had a similar one on my list and was happy to check it off. My W is a model of teeny tiny baby microscopic ant steps. They're there, but you really have to look close! Slooooooooow progress. If it wasn't for DB'ing I'm sure I wouldn't have recognized the progress at all.
Just had my first IC session. Sometimes I wonder why I do the things I do. I swear everyone on this forum is far more informative than most C out there. He did help a little with my concerns about helping the kids through this. So that is good. Otherwise he basically told me to keep doing what I am doing.
I am trying to see this from my W's eyes and I think I do understand. Question, wondering if WAS start stepping towards us without really deciding to? We as LBS are conciously choosing our actions, are they to?
I think I am wondering this because I feel like the smoke from the bomb is starting to clear.
Me 37/W 32 S 5 D 4 ILYBNILWY 5/12 Sep 8/12 Starting to find myself 11/12 on
Remember they are so confused. One minute they want to come home, the next they don't. Imagine they are Jupiter with hurricanes going on all over. Stay away from Jupiter or you'll get swept up in their hurricanes.
Whether there are baby steps or micro baby steps. Let it be. Continue with your 180s and GALs. Assess your progress in another 2weeks or month. Then maybe those micro baby steps will be baby steps.
M 42 H 39 T10 (-2yrs separation) S8 D5 DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA) Reconciled 6/2013 Separation in works 1/2017
Struggling today! We are having a hard time coming to terms on the d. I want this to go as smooth as possible without rolling over. There is already a big enough wedge between us, and I don't want to drive it in any further.
Me 37/W 32 S 5 D 4 ILYBNILWY 5/12 Sep 8/12 Starting to find myself 11/12 on
I am trying to see this from my W's eyes and I think I do understand. Question, wondering if WAS start stepping towards us without really deciding to? We as LBS are conciously choosing our actions, are they to?
Veroprado said it well, they are confused and their actions are largely based off of emotions. Not much thought involved. They will do things and won't even know why. There's also the pursuit/ distance dynamic to consider, if you pull back she may pursue, if you respond to the pursuit she'll distance again.
Originally Posted By: eyesopen
Struggling today! We are having a hard time coming to terms on the d.
You've only been separated 2 months and you're already hashing out the D? That seems a bit rushed. Is your W pushing it? Have you asked her just to table it a while and see how the S goes?
Yes wife is pushing it. I have asked to her to hold off, but to no avail. She does not like the townhouse she is renting and wants to find a place to buy. I think most of us on this board know that a divorce doesn't create happiness, but my w thinks it will. Quite frankly I can't keep trying to stall it. Not sure if I want to either. It is time for her to make her own choices, mistakes, and hopefully triumphs.
It is a piece of paper and does nothing to severe the real connection. I also feel like once it is filed it will be one less thing to focus on. I have been so consumed by it that I have lost focus of what really matters, my children and becoming a better man and father.
Me 37/W 32 S 5 D 4 ILYBNILWY 5/12 Sep 8/12 Starting to find myself 11/12 on
Nice to see some humor around here now and then 
Sure it's a small step in the right direction, I had a similar one on my list and was happy to check it off. My W is a model of teeny tiny baby microscopic ant steps. They're there, but you really have to look close! Slooooooooow progress. If it wasn't for DB'ing I'm sure I wouldn't have recognized the progress at all.