Afa, MKB23, Tori, Wendylon thanks for all your well wishing posts.
Got back at 12.15am and had to set off early this morning for a whale conference in Brighton (1.5hr drive away) so am only able to report now (22.00).
Summary Very relaxed evening. He paid for dinner (had already paid for the movie tickets) so I guess this was a date? Nothing physical 'til he dropped me home. Kiss on the cheek. I text when he left thanking him for taking me out and that I had, had a great evening. I said I was surprised how at ease I felt in his company and that I was glad about that. He text when he got back to his place that he was "safe home.Night night"
I'm really pleased that we had a good night together I'm also glad neither of us tried anything physical There was a time when I wanted to hold his hand in the cinema but didn't. We'll see what happens next.
Details H arrived at 1800hrs. I saw him pull up so opened the front door - I don't like it when he uses his key to let him Self into my space.
So he came in and there was a bit of awkwardness as to how/whether to physically greet each other. We didn't. Instead we admired each others' new clothes! He was wearing a shirt and jeans (usually a t-shirt guy so had made an effort) and I had my rockstar outfit on.
He passed on a drink and sat in an armchair. I sat on the sofa. He looked a bit tired, said something about stomachache. I thought nothing changes, he's always moaning about something. Said he hadn't seen me in ages. I said not since before your sailing trip, how was it? He replied "I don't want to talk about it, it did us a lot of damage" Me: "Oh, I haven't heard about it, just one question then. Did you see any whales?" H: "Just a dolphin" I asked him about work. He moaned about that too (too busy, no resources etc) and then said "I don't want to talk about it. It p!55es me off. Everything annoys me. I hate life" Me: I'm sorry you feel that way. I think it's all perception. I'm really enjoying my life. He asked me about my Spanish class and where it was etc I told him about it. Then he helped me put Pink on my phone (I'd downloaded it already to the other media). We had to sit beside each other on the sofa for him to demonstrate. We headed for the restaurant we used to go to (on foot, it's 5 mins into the village, no hand holding). On the way, I talked about quantum physics (I've been getting my head around it, he's an engineer and I had some questions)
At the restaurant, we became more and more relaxed w each other At one point his sailing trip came up It didn't sound like he had had a good time Spent far too much money, friend's parents were there too so not a guy holiday, felt like a spare part. Before he left in August he said that he would probably go there every summer to sail with his friend. I hadn't liked the sound of that at the time. Jealous. So was really glad to hear it hadn't been like the 2011 trip.
Can't remember what else we talked about. The holiday convo has stuck in my mind because I was so resentful about it.
He paid the bill and wouldn't accept half from me. Walked back to the house. He drove us to the cinema. Chatted all the way in the car - can't remember what about. Cinema - I bought drinks - least I could do Film - excellent A couple of times, I turned to look at him when something happened and he would smile at me the way he used to. Once I hid my eyes into his shoulder (scary bit - I don't do that with my guy friends) Chatted all the way in the car back - talked about the film, trailers for other movies we fancied and said we would do it again. He pulled up outside the house. It felt a bit awkward, like we were just friends (I guess that's all we are now). I said "thanks for tonight" turned to him and aimed to kiss him on the cheek (I don't do that with other guys I hang with)and I don't know where he was aiming for but it ended up kind of on the edge of our mouths. And then I was out the car with my key in the lock.
So a good evening, more relaxed than expected. No R talk. Didn't feel self conscious. Don't know how I feel about getting back together tho. I think the reason for this is that I have been out all day with friends. Had a great time. Not been there before. So exciting to go to a new place.
Nothing from H today until I contacted him. He needs to drop his car to our local garage first thing and I had offered to follow him there and then drop him back home to wait last night, so I text at 1730hr telling him I was still in Brighton and asking if he had made a decision on what he was doing in the morning. He text "I'll sort myself out Tumbling Punkydo. Hope you've had a good day." 1830 Me "Had a lovely day, thanks. V.inspired" 1900 H"did you see xxx" 2130 Me"Yes caught up briefly" H"Are you home safely now?" Me"Just got in" H"Good. I'm glad you had a nice time x" Me"It was really good. You're welcome to wait in the house tom, if you need to" H"Thank you. If I can't get them to take me to work, then I'll wait in the hse" Me"Ok, I'm going to bed now. Night, night" H "Night, night"
Welcome thoughts and questions
ME41 H39 T12 M9 Ilybinilwy 10/2010 H moves out 11/2010 H moves in 09/2011 out 11/2011 Try to fix it alone, give up 07/2012 Tumbling to file 02/01/2013 :-) "Strong on the inside, soft on the outside"
Great to hear all about it. Sounds like a lovely 'date' and as if you were a real DB queen!
I wouldn't be surprised if he were to go a bit dimmer for a bit because it sounds so positive. His own feelings may frighten him and so he may retreat.
That's fantastic that you had a good and busy day today too.
My advice is to keep doing what you're doing and don't go brighter. This is obviously working.
Congrats again on how you handled yourself--DB star of the weekend!
Me: 51 H: 52 T: 23 yrs M: 19 yrs S18, D16, S14 (special needs) PA: 2003/2004 Piecing: 2004 on Suspect H had EA: 8/2012-12/2012
Agree with Wendylon. Great job. Now, remember to not initiate the texts every day, and wait before replying. I think he'll continue contacting you and now, wanting to spend time together.
Now you need to think about what you want, but there's no need to decide today or tomorrow, or even next week or next month or even next year! I know, it seems like you need to make a decision now, but why don't you continue being aware of your feelings, and at some point, without pressure, the answer will come to you.
Sounds good Tumbling. :-) No more dancing with flame throwers in front of the castle for you! :-)
I agree with the others. Don't become brighter. Stay focused and let it all come from him.
((((( )))))
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
Thanks for all your comments and applause I am singing "DB Queen" (to Abba Dancing Queen tune)
A question to Wendylon, why do you think he will go darker after our successful evening?
Journalling/Musing Sunday I was too busy to think about the sitch Monday morning I didn't know if he was heading over here or not so I tidied d'stairs abit (dishes in dishwasher). He text to say they were going to drop him at the house as they couldn't take him to work. I replied as I was leaving "No probs". He replied "morning x" I didn't ansa. Later I text to remind him to pay for it on our joint ac card and to let me know the amt (I still mg our finances) He said OK. End of day as I was leaving work - I chkd my phone - no pymt amount so wondered if car had been finished and whether he was still at house. "Hey, are you still at the house? I'm heading home now." Got home and it was if no one had been inside since I had left. And then I got a text saying "No, I didn't go to the house in the end" I ansa'd "That explains why it doesn't look like you've been here!" Nothing from either of us. I went to bed at 7.30pm with a migraine and slept for 10hrs - I really needed some rest after my hectic few days.
Today. H has been on my mind a lot. I keep asking my Self do I want this relationship or not? And, I don't know. I keep thinking - No, I'm good as I am - but the thing is we aren't 100% over are we? He is still in my life (daily txts, still married)so I don't know what it feels like totally H-less. Today, I really want him to call and make another date (if I want this - I'm not done am I? If I was physically closer to him than my male friends then there's something there isn't there?)
I know I have to remain leaning back and let him come to me. But once again I doubt he's going to do it. And I'm busy this weekend - girlfriend coming over Sat early evening for dinner, then we are going to the theatre and she's staying the night. O I know what this is - this is old Tumbling panic - if he doesn't make an arrangement then we will never see each other. I was like this at 17 too! Guess I need to take a chill pill! And prepare my CV and cover letter for that job I saw last week
