I think she wants to friends and keep me close while she plays out the affair. How do you tell your WAS that you can't be friends with them until they and the affair without pushing them further away?
This is a tough one. On the one hand DB'ing instructs to be your W's best friend. Be the person she wants to talk to whenever something good, bad or interesting happens. This paves the way to future reconciliation, because after all, before you dated you were probably good friends.
On the other hand, as Denver has pointed out in order for her to not see you as just a backup plan, at some point she has to think she may lose you. This is what LRT/ going dark is all about- showing her that she is losing you. But LRT should not be about acting like you're moving on. It should be about actually moving on. It's about you saying "that's it, I'm done trying to get her back, it's time for me to focus on myself and my life without her." This is exactly where Denver was when he did it, in fact he was the one that filed for D.
I guess I would ask you this- have you done 180's and has your W had time to truly see them? If the answer is 'no' then I would say you should consider trying to be her friend and continue to show her the 180's for a while. But if the answer is 'yes' and you feel like you've already shown her the new you, then maybe it's time for LRT.
