Here we go again...

[someguy1233]

Today I'm trying not to get my hopes up and remain grounded.

When we were putting S to bed she looked me in the eyes and said, "you know... you really are the best dad in the world. You know that, right?"

Last night W asked if I wanted to watch TV after S went to bed. I agreed. In the past when things were good she always sat on a different couch. She complained that "my" couch was uncomfortable. I knew she was feeling different when she laid down on the uncomfortable couch next to me.

She wanted to talk...

She brought up quitting her job and finding a way to stay home with S. This is something that we had discussed months ago as a possible goal. We both hate how much time S spends in daycare.

She's putting serious thought into the possibility that her hatred of her job and where we live is affecting her view on our relationship and maybe our relationship isn't so bad. She told her mom that the anxiety caused by her job is actually worse than the anxiety caused by our relationship.

I offered to sit down and review finances to see what it would take for her to stay home. She wants to do this tonight.

We talked about our close friends that have very little money. They are happy. They have a simpler life. We discussed how we would have to completely change our lifestyle but a simpler life could be easier and have less stress for both of us. She said it may really help her outlook on us.

She said that her hatred towards where we live might not exist if she didn't work. Her problem isn't WHERE we live, but rather the commute. She hates spending 1.5-2 hours per day in the car.

She said she could start cooking again because she'd be home. This is her favorite past time. She can rarely do it due to the time constraints of commuting/working/caring for S.

We slept in the same bed again. In the past we were always touching while falling asleep. There's still no physical contact.

This morning she followed up with an email outlining some of our finances and her ideas to cut down our spending.

I think I need to hold off on talk of OM with her. If we reconcile or things slide backwards it will be brought up. There are serious trust issues here. But now may not be the best time, especially since he's moving away in 2 weeks. I'm trying to remain grounded and have no expectations. I have to remind myself that this could just be another hill in the roller-coaster.