Ugh, this morning was going well but there was one major drawback. We are in PA so this storm isn't completely on us but it could get worse where we live. We are using one car so she had to drive me to work. We are getting ready and I'm helping with the baby and make breakfast and everything. We are talking and her family is freaking on her wondering why I have to go to work and telling her to be careful. So one family member wants her to stay with them if the power goes out since I have electric heat and the family member has gas. Then the same family member is saying that after she drops me off at work she should get her mom to ride out and drop off the car for me so she doesn't have to pick me up late tonight.

She's tired so I'm trying not to get on her nerves with anything since we had a nice day yesterday and both verbally ackowledged it to each other. When she drops me off she mumbles something about letting me know if she's going to drop off the car. I ask in case she's going to stay with the family member and she gets irritated saying no, just so she doesn't have to drag the kids out at 10pm at night in this weather to pick me up. She gets irritated and says that I don't ever listen to her and it irritates her. She asks if I didn't hear that conversation earlier in the morning and I say I did, that she said different a few different things.

She's getting more irritated and I can feel myself starting to raise my voice. I take a deep breath and calm down and say that I'm not arguing with her and I'm sorry she feels like I don't listen to her. I diffuse it the best I can even though she still doesn't look happy. So now when we tell each other to have a good day it isn't as upbeat as it was over the weekend :-/

After a little while she calls me and tells me the kids are staying with their dads tonight in case the power goes out b/c the dads have gas heat. She says her mom heard that the national guard is trying to keep ppl off the roads. So if it's bad or if the state/city makes declares an emergency and the owner won't let me close early that I might have to sleep at work. I wasn't really saying anything b/c I am at work and was trying to take in everything she was telling me so when she doesn't get an immediate response from me she says, "I would hope our lives are more important" and I said "yeah" and she was apologizing. I said I'd check into things but so far haven't found out anything about the national guard shutting down our city.

I HATED how she complained about me not listening to her...it's one of those things she's complained about for awhile in our R and part of the problem stems from her mumbling or speaking softly or trying to talk to me when she's not even looking at me which just makes it plain hard to hear her. She'll say something out of the blue like we were having a conversation and b/c she says it so softly I can't understand what she's getting at, so then she gets pissed b/c it's me not listening. I did my best not to argue about her feelings on the matter but I did end up defending myself a little bit.

I also didn't like the interaction on the phone. She already feels like I don't care about anybody but myself so that's why she jumped right to throwing the "our lives are more important" at me. Of course it doesn't matter that I didn't question her about the weekend (even though I was worried about her saftey while she was out drinking and such) or that I helped and helped whenever she was around over the weekend. It doesn't matter that I've been doing everything I can to show her that I care about her and the kids...one little thing and I don't care anymore.

I hate this b/c it seems like I make strides forward over the weekend and it starts to fall apart in one morning. I have no idea if she's seeing me differently or just putting on an act and still planning on escaping me ASAP.

I mean in DR it talks about how when you chase and push and stuff you take the focus off the failing R and put it on you. They don't have time to think about anything other than getting rid of you or getting away from you. So I gave her space over the weekend and when we were together I did my 180's. I'm trying hard not to act like nothing happened, that all is ok, but I am trying to act like the "old me" she wants.

I also find it interesting that if she's so concerned about what a mean abusive person I am, why did she spend most of yesterday alone with me? With the baby around? Having me help take care of the baby without supervision?

“People are just as happy as they make up their minds to be.” Abraham Lincoln