OMG T, your timing could NOT have been better, I was in desperate need of a laugh! Maybe that's what I've been doing wrong, being too girly, should have just followed your steps all this time! LMAO!!! So sorry to hear everyone has the flu, that's no fun. I'm apparently off work today and tomorrow due to the potential storm.... which, as for today, is a total waste of a day off.... but I don't have a say in when we are closed for weather... H went to work, so I'll just chill and relax. Oh, and no, the toothbrush has not moved.... well yet anyway....
Snodderly~ Love the spin brush idea, but I bet I'd get yelled at for spending money on him! LOL
mrsrjd~ Well the toothbrush thing was very therapeutic at the time... have at it!
Lisa.7~ I have long since come to the decision no matter what I say or do it will be wrong, so I just continue to try to do the best I can.
updates in Crazytown~ I'm going to start by saying the um.... discussion.... yeah, that's it, we will call it a discussion... that I had with H yesterday, was well less than DB.... but well..... sometimes you just have to let them have it.... so I did.....
When I got home from church yesterday H asked if he could talk to be about something, I said sure. Well he got upset with me about barging into his room last night instead of knocking (I kept hearing a clicking noise it was 10:30 I was trying to sleep, I saw his light on, thought I would see if he knew what it was, he looked at me like I was crazy and shook his head acted like it was a big deal. I just went back to bed, no big deal- well to me apparently).
I just couldn't take it anymore, and thought if it's a fight he wants it's a fight he will get.... I totally lost it! I guess you could say I did a 180, cause I normally don't yell or flip out but yesterday, I did.
He came flying up and was about a half inch from my face, I thought he may hit me (which he has never done, I and would never ever imagine him doing), so I said what are you going to do hit me??? He seemed very offended by that comment and said I've never raised a hand at you, why would you think I would do that, to which I replied I never thought you would leave either!
I pretty much restated everything I have been stating, only super angry... like say I still love him unconditionally and am willing to explore the option of getting to know each other all over again, even in this moment.. I did add a few things.... I went out on a limb and asked how his dad is. He flew off the handle, standing by his "he hasn't been a father in years" routine. I told him it's sad he doesn't want a relationship with him and thinks he would be fine if his dad died tomorrow. I was a very good girl in that I did NOT bring up his mother.
I would like to point out this whole time in the conversation I was talking to monster, it was scary. Monster told me how happy he is and told me, "You just are upset because I am happy without you in my life." to which I replied, "Fvck you." Which he took to mean he was right, so I pointed how his words don't match his actions and that even though in his head we aren't married, I'm still here, he's still "with" me. So I'm not going to repeat all of that same old song and dance. Throughout this part of the discussion I repeatedly yelled shut up and told him it's my turn to talk and his to listen (it's kinda funny looking back, sooooo not me).
I told him he needs to stop buying sh1t and look inside himself, that was a long part of the conversation, too much to type but you get the jist. I also said he doesn't have to keep acting like he needs no one, it takes a strong, sexy man to admit he needs to talk to someone. At one point when he was on his tangent about not loving me, I said, you don't really care about me, I know you are very selfish right now, but you need to realize I'm not just losing my husband but my best friend, then I went on to list all the things I have been missing about our relationship and he went from monster to depressed in a split second. Said he couldn't handle this conversation anymore and stormed off to his room.
He was there for about 5 minutes before emerging. He came out sat on the couch and told me I win and asked what I want him to do. I said win what, this isn't a battle. He was still looking very depressed, deflated, and like he may have started to cry... maybe... I told him he knows what I want, but I don't want him doing anything against his will. I told him I want him to go to counseling. He said fine, but he wasn't happy about it. He made some comment about everyone thinks.... something or rather, I don't remember cause I was so focused on the use of everyone, I said who's everyone? He said no one else. I said who else H? He said no one, I misspoken it's just you. Then he said something about people thinking something... and corrected himself and said I meant you. Makes me think there may be at least one person other than me smart enough to see the man's in crisis... IDK.
After sitting in silence a few minutes, (I was sitting at the table, conveniently my Bible was still there from church that morning, so I opened it and started reading and praying silently, and H was sitting on the couch). He said he wanted to get back to preparing for the storm and asked if I needed anything else. I said I didn't want to sound stupid but did he mean from the store. He said he meant from the conversation. I said no.
He went back to being emergency preparedness H. Did end up going to the store, asked if there was anything else I needed or wanted. I was hanging up laundry he came in an hugged me and said no hard feelings? I said no, we hugged for a few minutes then he went to the store.
Later, I had been napping (emotional exhaustion I suppose) in bed and he had been napping on the couch. He came back and crawled into bed with me! And well we all know where that went!
Later he asked if I wanted to watch a movie with him that a co-worker let him borrow. We watched the movie. He actually spent most of the evening with me, we watched another movie and talked about the impending storm.
Talk about craziness!!! I pray he does pay the mortgage this month, since he almost left yesterday (well said he was gonna anyway). I think he thinks he's threatening me, and I keep pointing out the door, even though I don't know what I would really do.
I think he knows he needs help, but he doesn't want to admit it. OH and the truth I could pull out of him... he views me and the house as the same thing.... holding him back from getting out of the job he hates..... gee.... looks like I was right all along..... I know it's against his will... but I hope counseling will help him....
Oh, and no, the toothbrush has not moved.... well yet anyway....
