Thanks for sharing. It helps to know that we aren't alone, and someone understands what we are going through.
It must be hard on the girls, especially since they know what is going on. Only one of my sons is aware of anything, explicitly, anyway. The older one is busy with starting college, and the younger two are busy being kids.
I hope you have a good time at the Halloween party
He doesn't understand that you can be bubbly while he's miserable. Let him wonder what is up.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I like him wondering. But what DO I say when he asks "Why are you so happy?" and he HAS asked this question several times in the last couple of days. So far I've either shrugged him off or said "I'm always happy, you just haven't been paying attention."
What is the best way to deal with questions?
Me 46 H 56 M 22 yrs S22, D20, Twin Ss18
You teach people how to treat you by what you allow. What you stop. And what you reinforce. ~~~~~~~ A lack of boundaries invites a lack of respect.
I like your response back to him. He just can't figure out why you are so happy. That's funny.
My response would be "I'm happy to have my health and life is good." That's my two cents.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
H continues to boggle my mind. Still the post bomb new normal behavior. No ML for a couple of weeks now, interested to see if some this weekend. Last couple days he's brought up counseling for him, and even went to see a local pastor today. But H wasn't too impressed with the guy. I think this might be because H has "his" world vision glasses too firmly strapped to his head. H thinks "nobody can help him, nobody can understand, he's beyond help." H has talked a little more to me - not so much about M but about things that are bothering him. A little bit about how he's "conflicted" regarding our M.
I continue to distance as much as possible when living with someone 24/7. Had another job interview today (please please please)Have maintained cheeriness - easier now that I know it bugs H lol But it still hurts. Still feel chest pressure from time to time, eyes get watery sometimes too.
Talks with H give me less hope for our M even when he doesn't say anything about our M. I think because the talks show how warped his current mindset is. Sigh.
Me 46 H 56 M 22 yrs S22, D20, Twin Ss18
You teach people how to treat you by what you allow. What you stop. And what you reinforce. ~~~~~~~ A lack of boundaries invites a lack of respect.
Today's a bad day. For no particular reason. Just hurts. Can't wrap my head around it - and forget about drumming understanding into my heart.
We spend time together in harmony. No fights (never have had many of those). Says he told the pastor yesterday that he "still loves me". Still pulls me to him at night.
But talks about "ending our relationship". I know he's upset about his parents' health. I know he has regrets regarding his other kids.
But what does he think is going to happen if/when we split? I think he thinks I will still somehow be "his", just that he won't have to be bothered with living with me. I think he thinks our kids will be just fine with our split, with him.
Bad day. Need to stop thinking I guess.
Me 46 H 56 M 22 yrs S22, D20, Twin Ss18
You teach people how to treat you by what you allow. What you stop. And what you reinforce. ~~~~~~~ A lack of boundaries invites a lack of respect.
I'm sorry you are having a bad day. I think what may have triggered it is the discussion he had w/you about what he told the pastor and his actions towards you.
He's suffering from confusion and right now, even though he says he wants a divorce, his actions are saying something different. Oh, he definitely thinks that you will be right where he left you and you'll be there for him after the divorce. He's not thinking that w/divorce comes a whole different way of life and that interactions will be different.
I hope you feel better soon. I know it's tough thinking about this stuff and it can bring you down very quickly when they say and do things that make absolutely no sense to us and yet they do not think that they've done anything wrong.
Please take care of yourself.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
But it still hurts. Still feel chest pressure from time to time, eyes get watery sometimes too. 