I'm going to step out on a limb and apologize in advance for saying that you demonstrating extreme doormat behavior. He is taking and taking and taking and you are getting nothing in return.
Acting "as if" does not mean to act as if you are still his wife. It's to act as if you are moving on with your life. Rubbing his back and cooking his food and behaving as his wife while he disregards, disrespects and ignores you and banishes you to a spare room is on some level masochistic. It could be perceived as a D/s relationship.
He trusted you with his phone. Really? Is it possible that he either didn't care if you found or wanted you to find something? Or is it simply nothing at all that has been interpreted as something because you are creating progress where there is none?
What you describe sounds like intertia, complacency. It will carry on and you will feel empty for as long as you allow it to. But it certainly won't change if you keep doing what you're doing. If you're happy with the status quo and want to give him all the power in your relationship, then by all means go for it. But I don't think that's what you want.
As for commitment being made without conditions? That's the perfect set up for a doormat and codependency. "Sure, treat me like crap. I'm committed." The condition of respect and honesty is essential. Do you have that? Have you seen progress in that since BD?
me 45 H 46 T 5 M 2.5 BD Sept 6 2011 OW Sept 8 2011 Threw him out Sept 8 2011
