Kicking a$$ and taking names!

[job]

rH,
Wishing your son a very happy birthday. I hope everything goes well today for his party.

Your h had to talk about what was on his mind and he needed the security that you provide to him right now, hence the cuddling. Just as a mother would do for her child.

I'm not surprised to read that he cry. He is so confused and in so much pain that he really doesn't know what to do and if what he's doing is the right thing to do. I'm glad you allowed him to cry and get it out of his system. Right now, your h is on the train to nowhere because he thinks that the illusive happiness will be at every stop along the way. Unfotunately, he doesn't realize that happiness comes from within. Missing you, your sons and the life he had are not enough to bring him back right now and it will be a very long time before he realizes that home is where he had it all.

A lot of them think that they are going crazy because their thoughts/emotions are all over the place and yes, guilt plays a part in making them feel this way too. They are very torn during this time, especially at the beginning of the crisis and early replay.

Your h is hanging on to you in case things don't work out for him and you are also the last thread to his past. In his mind, you need to stay right where he left you, but that doesn't happen because life goes on and so do we. We move on, but we can also leave the door ajar and continue to have the candle burn in the window to show them the way home.

As for being sleepy, I'm sure he hasn't slept much, what w/the partying and returning home and having to now face some of the consquences of his actions, as well as the conversation your son had w/him playing over and over again in his head.

His train is continuing to move forward and may even pick up speed. His mentioning that women are turning away because he has stated that he is almost divorced is a key that he is out there looking and looking hard. Time to step back and allow God to work on him.

I'm glad to read that your son12 is talking to son19. He may feel more comfortable in talking to him rather than to you right now. At least he's venting and talking to someone. Give him time, he'll open up to you as well.

Give your h time and space because he really needs to focus on himself and his issues. Turn your focus back on to you and your family and most all the party today.

Take care of yourself.