The crack in my perfect life...

[Sweetbriar]

Vero, NWL, Lisa...thank you for your advice and your stories. I am sorry that we are all going through this stuff right now. Its so hard and terrible. Everytime I think Im getting better, it gets worse. I just dont know some days if I will ever make it through:( Im glad to hear that Im not the only one who goes crazy once in awhile.

I hardly slept last night..maybe 3 hours interrupted. Everytime I woke up, I thought of H with her at her house. I know I looked like the crazy, psycho wife last night and that makes me sick that I acted that way. Its not like me and Im not sure what I needed to see and what possessed me to drive by at the exact time he was walking in??? Maybe I needed to see it again with my own eyes what he was doing.

I am having a hard time thinking how he can be at her house and know that we are here and he has no guilt over it. He clearly thinks that she is the better choice and I hate that I cannot change his mind. I know that its really not her fault and its him, but its hard not to want to blame her too.

How does a 47year old woman, start dating a 36 old man knowing he is married, with kids and not feel bad about it? It seems so strange to me? And how can he carry on, knowing that he was caught, and act like its all my fault for what he is doing?

I have cried so hard these past few hours and really am sad how things happened. I dont know that an apology to him would do anything except make him angrier. And Im kicking myself because we go to court in a week from today and Im sure he will bring this up that Im crazy.

I have laid in bed all night wondering what she has that is so great that I dont have and how can he do these things and hurt us all so much without a care in the world? I laid there just thinking about how Im pregnant, sleeping alone and feeling so darn lonely and he is with her...not even considering how we all feel over here without him.

How can he look at me and my daughters and say to us that we dont love him or care about him and he needs to be with someone who does? Do these WAS's just "forget" all that they had before they left? We had it all and he has walked away unscathed by it:(

I hate to say this, but I hope one day he suffers the most. I just hope that this relationship falls and he is left with nothing. She is all he has right now, besides his toxic parents and 2 brothers...so if this goes south, he is alone. And I hope he feels so alone one day and realizes how much damage he has done to his family. He will hardly know his new baby son either...

Vero, I have never had face to face contact with her, and tonight was the first time I saw them together, so this was really hard. I dont know how you didnt punch your H's OW in the face when you saw her and all that stuff went down. They (the H's) are truely crazy when this stuff happens. Would he have ever left your son before like that in a car on a different level? Was this something new since his affair? I know my H has done and said some weird things since all of this...things that normally would have never come out of his mouth and done things he never would have done. I just dont understand...and I dont think I ever will...

NWL, I also dont know how you did it at the concert. I would have not been able to stay calm. Maybe the pregnancy hormones are a facter, but honestly, you did a good job. (I read your other post). I am lucky for the moment that H has not exposed kids to OW and dont think he will. We actually will have it legal next week that he is NOT allowed to bring them around her, nor is he allowed to drink while having them. Right now, the kids dont even want to see him...but I know once we go court, that he will get his days. He isnt living on his own yet...but next biggest fear is that he will move in with her.

The thing is, in my sich, OW is older, widow, and has grown kids, and she also lives alone so they have all access to be alone anytime since he goes to her place. There is nothing stopping them...they are free together....

Uggg..how am I going to get through today...with all this rain and depressing storm...knowing he is with her and not with us....