Riding the Bull

[Arsene]

Well, here is the "summary" of today's intense convo.

I’m not quite sure how to write about today’s event in a way that would properly describe them, without going through lengthy explanations on the topic of metaphysics but I’ll try to make it as short and sweet as possible while keeping the story clear and easy to understand.

First, this morning was another immigration “date” with my W and when I picked her up at 9 am, I tried to be cheerful although I was a bit apprehensive due to the end of the previous evening. W looked cold and reserved as she arrived so I kept the conversation short and to the point and we left. I didn’t really want to get into a convo with her today anyway so it was fine with me that we were all business.

At immigration, again, all business and at one point, I asked her if she was ok, to which she replied she was, that it was nothing. Then a bit later, in the middle of filling in forms, she started telling me about how the night before, after leaving, she had gone to a jazz appreciation group which is based in the same housing complex where I am (3 minutes walk from my house) and of which she used to be an active member. She had told me before that she didn’t feel comfortable going there anymore because she felt judged and people asked too many questions. On arrival, apparently the lady in charge, who is usually a very kind and friendly lady, made a loaded comment about W not coming around anymore and this p1ssed W off. She went on to me about how people shouldn’t try to change others and get involved in what isn’t their business and be nosy and how she’s disappointed that the lady was like that. She seemed to have taken it really hard so I validated her feelings and listened until she was done. We did the immigration thing and then, as she had told me she was hungry, I told her I’d buy her breakfast to thank her for her help. So off we went.

By then her mood had improved a bit and she was a bit more pleasant. We got to a restaurant and ordered and then she started talking again about how she didn't understand why people always tried to interfere with others and how everybody seemed to make things harder for others and that life would be simpler if everyone didn’t make things more complicated for others. On this I told her I understood how she felt but I didn’t quite agree with it.

W asked me why not, and this was the start of a very interesting conversation on metaphysics, which both W and I had often talked about in the past and which both of us enjoyed thoroughly. In fact, when we met, we both had read “Conversation with God” by Neale Donald Walsh and it was a recurring topic of discussion between us in our early days. I started reading it again last week and much of what transpired in the discussion can be found within this book and within the Brahma Kumaris Rajyoga Meditation techniques which I am now studying.

The ideas discussed are nothing new and I even read about this on a thread on this site. It’ s the idea that our thoughts are creative and that what we are living through today has been created by ourselves through the process of our thoughts. Basically , you expect the worst and you get it, just because you expected it. This means that you can’t blame anyone for what is going on in your life since it’s your own creation. A new twist on the old “Reap what you sow” business. This means that if yesterday’s fears created today’s situation, then today we can choose what tomorrow will be by doing the right thing (and here I mentioned that she was probably apprehensive about going to the jazz club and that, based on this idea, she might have caused what actually happened – I also reminded her of something else which had happened when we were on our honeymoon which was related to this). By choosing the right “sponsoring” thought for who we want to be today. This is made known to us through our conscience or intellect. So basically, you can’t ignore it. Deep inside we all know what is the right thing to do in any given situation, we just start justifying why we shouldn’t do it, because we choose not to do it. And then we live through the consequences and start blaming others for our problems. That's the gist of what we talked about.

This was discussed in the form of a question/answer between W and I, and as we talked, I noticed that W’s was listening intensively and that her eyes were watering and she was discreetly trying to wipe her tears. It was a really good discussion, reminiscent of our early days together. At the end of the discussion, W thanked me for talking and listening to her. Her mood had changed, she was more upbeat and cheerful. On the way to hers, she even said she might want to come around to spend the night with D8 again tonight but told me she’d let me know later. And finally, for the first time since she moved to her present boarding house, she showed me where it was and let me drive her up to it. As she was walking away and I got ready to leave on my motorbike, she turned around, smiled, thanked me again and left.

3 hours later she updated her FB status to :”If your thoughts can create your present negative situation, they can also create a better situation for tomorrow” in the local language.

I just got home and D8 was very happy because W had called her to tell her she was picking her up to go to the pool with her. I was not informed but when she got here, she seemed cheerful enough. Not sure yet about her staying the night though.

I’m still not sure what to make of all of this and if it really is a step forward so I’m just going to keep it cool and not have any expectations. We have to go back to immigration again on Thursday so no way to minimize contact for the time being. I’ll just go with the flow for now.