Listen to the advice you are given and then PUT it in motion for YOU. We have stood where you stand - and I can tell you it is stressful, hurtful, upsetting, your world is crashing around you but you still need to function 'normally' somehow... Even when there are unanswered questions (accept that they will NOT be answered), when things don't make sense. When it's hard and upsetting. When you feel abandoned. Focus on YOU and your sons only. Not H, what he is doing, and not some imaginary or perceived future.
How are you handling your winter blues months this year?
I can only tell you that after 'fighting' for 8 months, here is what I learned the hard way in doing everything 'my way':
Don't follow the OW situation. Do not acknowledge her - do not look her up. Nothing. You will not gain anything from it. It will eat at you. She is bug, an annoying mosquito to you. Swat any thought of her away before 'SHE' eats away at 'YOU' and you forget the real you.
What is it about YOU that drew your husband to you? What is it about YOU that you like?
Read the 37 rules. Again. and again. Memorize them. (It's taken me 8 months to get them fully in play.
You'll hear people say drop expectations, have no expectations. To me - that means drop the timelines. Don't expect H to be home. Don't expect him to 'see the light'. The only timelines I care about now are ones that affect ME and ones to meet MY goals only! H is on his own
Whether or not your H goes right into her arms could happen, could not. It really doesn't change where you are right now. When the thought comes up - do the stop thought immediately and get busy with something else that distracts you. My experience is that my anxiety and uncontrolled thoughts fuel the fire, until I make a big bonfire out of a little match. A little match I could've squashed out.
A big one I learned that I see you are doing: don't talk about your situation with family, friends. It's uncomfortable for H, it will be uncomfortable for you at some point, makes reconciliation harder, and it puts them in a position where they will feel like they need to choose OR they will mention that 'when' you get divorced, or 'cant you see that your H is...' which if you are trying to R with your H, doesn't help you stay positive. Keep your R's with your friends/family as a source of positivity, come here and journal more instead. Your family/friends won't have any more insight into your H's behavior either - and he WILL turn resentful and internal if this continues.
This ^^^^^^ sounds solid to me.
Originally Posted By: turtlegirl
After the conversation my H cried and said "nobody who says they love me or is part of my family can support me for who I am and my decisions, unless I make the "right decisions". Meaning that he wants someone to tell him that what he is doing is okay & that as long as he is happy then that's the most important thing.
He doesn't understand that his selfish actions are impacting SO MANY OTHER PEOPLE's LIVES WHO LOVE HIM! ESP me and the BOYS!
I think this is typical. My wife is also losing touch with her circle of friends and family because she says no one understands her, and she can't understand why.
I guess, when the fog lifts, they'll see why.
Freshman Class of 2012
M-49 W-42 1D-10 T 10 YEARS M 9 YEARS EA/MLC 07/2010 Separation 28/05/2012 PA confirmed 31/07/12 W Asked for D 31/07/12 D on and off the table since then
