My stbx just called to say he's attending D16's chamber music concert at school tonight - AND THAT HE WILL BE TAKING OW.
Now, he's not even told the kids her name yet - nor that she is an old family friend.
So when D16 takes her seat - in the small room amongst the 30 or so girls and audience members, there will be daddy sitting with his paramour and there will be mummy sitting in the same space. WTF???
I went off to him on the phone when he told me. He ended up hanging up and then called back 30 mins later to say that he wouldn't go.
Thank goodness... BUT THAT OW WOULD STILL BE ATTENDING - as her niece was playing twinkle twinkle or some such BS on a flute.
I cracked up again and said that I wouldn't be able to contain myself If i had to front that b..tch (she was an old friend but i haven't seen her since I heard of their A several years ago).
What should I do??? PLEASE - I NEED SOME QUICK ADVICE - I have to go in about 2 hours.
The concert is about an hour in duration and is in a small music room in D16's school. I will be seated within swinging distance of OW.
But I feel like she wins if i ignore her. I can't seem to talk myself out of this one. It's too easy for her. And then she's going to come to every other concert at both my kids' schools and next time on my H's arm.
This is too much. I feel like i really need to tell her what a low-life she is. If she gets to do this without consequences... i think I will just burn up with the injustice of it all.
Would it really be too much just to tell her what i think of her?
Oh NLW. I wish we weren't DBers when these things happened. I wish we could just react and be primitive and tear them apart (literally with teeth and nails). But we need to be civilized.
Your D16 is watching you. She's not completely fixated on your reaction to all this now but she is learning how to be a woman in this sitch.
Unfortunately, my dad was a cheater, my grandfather was a cheater so it's no surprise my H is a cheater. Teach your daughter what a respectable woman does in these sitchs because if she is ever in your sitch, she will most likely remember this and respond in a similar fashion.
But I would love to be sitting next to you and holding your earrings as you pull your hair back and let her have it.
However, we need to remember, be a person of integrity. Don't give her as much importance as she needs it. You are D16s mom and she would much rather have your attention than OWs.
M 42 H 39 T10 (-2yrs separation) S8 D5 DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA) Reconciled 6/2013 Separation in works 1/2017
I hope it went as well as possible. Chin up. ((( )))
M: 29, H: 31 D: 9 S: 8 T: 13 Y M: 9 Y ILYBIDKIILWY 12/09/2012 ~~~~ Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles. ~~~ it Emptys today of its strengths
Glad I took off my earrings... I arrived late-ish and they had to set up a new row of chairs in the very small room so that i could sit. Guess where?
Directly behind OW.
I started badly, cause as i sat down, I lost control of my kicking foot. If i had to give an account, I'd say it was some sort of involuntary reflex. But her chair ended up shooting forward rather sharpishly. So stupid and childish, i know.. but kind of satisfying too.
I then sat politely through an hour's concert. OW's niece, who appears to have taken D16's place in my even soonertbx(now)'s life looks like a doppelgänger of my D16. This made my heart ache. He said he was going to attend the concert to see the niece perform, not D16. In the end he conceded to my argument that he should not go with OW, but she was still there.
At the end, when everyone was getting up and starting to chat, I am only slightly sorry to say that I leaned forward and told OW what a pitiful and disgusting individual she was. I also told her how much pain and suffering she had inflicted on so many people. Her mother was sitting next to her and heard what I was whispering.
We then walked out and left OW and her entourage there.
I did the wrong thing, DB-wise, but sometimes stuff gets too much.
I am pretty much over it all now - meaning any possibility of R with H is gone. But I think it had before hand anyway.
If all I have done is make OW think twice about coming to my kids' school functions, then I'm satisfied. She had the gall to wave happily to S13 as he waited to enter the concert room.
She is a disgusting individual and I feel some relief in having told her so.
Going over and over the confrontation with OW today.
Punishment, I suppose, for losing control and doing the wrong thing. But i keep coming back to the thought that if anyone threatens my kids - in any way - by their behaviour, I will do whatever it takes to make it stop.
Somewhat interesting that in the moment, or a lot of the time, come to think of it, I feel totally disconnected from what is going on in front of me. As if I'm not really there.
Usually i would have died of embarrassment to do what I did; in the moment, I couldn't have cared less.
Wonder if she is lying awake too?
Before we left for the concert today, stbx rang me to say that he would no longer be contacting the kids. Said it was because they did not want to see him and seldom answered the texts he sent them. I said I couldn't imagine how awful it would be not to see the kids.
He said no, I could not imagine. Then he said that he didn't want me to contact him either. I pointed out that i seldom had been contacting him in any case. He hung up.
Since then - i.e. within 4 hours - he has texted D16 3 times and called her once. Texted S14 twice and tried to call once (S14 would not answer, and when I tried to encourage him, told me to ring H myself).
Looking forward to not seeing stbx and establishing more calmness in the kids' lives. What a stinking mess this has turned out to be for everyone involved.
Thanks Bklyn, for your words of support. It means a lot.
NLW-Keep moving forward. There is no other way. Whats done is done. And your kids, they really need you more than ever if your H has declared he won't contact them anymore. that is just ....awful.
Just forget him for awhile. A lot of emotions need to settle on all fronts. Because all of this right now is pure emotion working on all fronts. Your priority is your children...navigate them through this. For their emotional health.
You can do this NLW.
(((((((( ))))))))
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
