The crack in my perfect life...

[Sweetbriar]

I made a HUGE MISTAKE tonight and I am sooo upset about it I can hardly stand it. I went against all DBing and drove by OWs house tonight after H dropped off D11 from movies. The worst part, the kids were in the car....here is the story...

H dropped off D11 and about an hour later we headed out to the store to pick up a few things for the storm. After the trip, I got a wild hair to drive by OWs house to see if H went there after he dropped off D. I have not been sure of him still seeing her, as I have not asked lately. I thought I would just drive by and if I saw his car, I would know. Well...as we drove by, H was walking up to her house and my first instinct was to yell out. I just said "nice, this is where you head after dropping off the kids" and he just froze. The OW was in the doorway and I reminded her that he was married with kids and one on the way...

He walked to car and was furious. Started yelling that he and I were done and there was no "us" anymore. That he was just there to watch the game with her and that he cannot believe that I drove by there with the kids in the car. Well, that is what I regret now, but it wasnt planned and I NEVER thought I would see him face to face. It was bad/perfect timing. The kids started crying and he was just yelling that none of us love him or care about him and that he needs someone who does care about him. He then left, and walked in her house and slammed the door.

I went home shaking. I KNOW I did EVERYTHING WRONG tonight. This escalated once we got home because he texted the kids that he doesnt love me and that his personal relationships are his business. He told them he does love them and that he hopes they dont hate him.

He texted me "you're sick" and I texted back "I hope your happy" and he said "Im not...because of you" and it went on like that for a bit.

Im so upset that I did this tonight. Im beating myself up. He is still with OW and he is happy with her. I cannot believe that he can just go there and know that me and the kids are home preparing for the storm. (she lives like 5 mins from my house) and that he has no guilt about this. He texted D14 that I am to blame for our relationship going bad, not him and that I have given her a front row seat to this. Did he not remember that he was the one who set the standard for front row when he told her he was leaving me. He also told her that he was unhappy long before he met OW. Funny, he never acted like it or mentioned it until he met her.

Now, I feel like I should give up. I just dont know after all he said tonight that I have any chance. Here I sit, pregnant, at home and he is there with OW....happy and Im sure laughing and watching the game. It makes me sick and I cannot stop crying tonight.

I had a tiny idea that he was done with her, and tonight confirmed just the opposite. He also confirmed that he is planning on being with her by sticking up for her. My D14 said that she texted him something about a mLC and he wrote her back that he was just fine and this was a choice he made to be with OW. That kinda says to me that he is totally done and not coming back:(

I am so sad. I need advice...did I totally ruin it all now? It is hard to feel like I want a man back that would walk into her house and close the door on his family....but on the other hand, I do love him and want my marriage back...I just dont think that he will ever change his mind. I have never seen him this adament.

What are the percentages of affairs lasting again? I just dont know if I can handle their relationship lasting....its been since March but they have called if off many times in that time frame. I just dont know if relationships like this, that are affairs and that have endured him coming back to me and back to her can last?

Advice?