Any hope?

[Albuquerque]

TJP,

I know the pain and stress that you are feeling. And looking for glimmers of hope is what I did too. As several people have mentioned, I'm one of those who's H "woke up" and came back. But as TS2 pointed out, it is an achingly slow process and the post-MLC R is never the same. Doesn't mean it's worse or better, just different.

But what I would like to point out is that you are (understandably) defining hope and success as a repaired marriage/relationship. I don't think I should be viewed as a "success" because my H woke up. In reality, I had very little (if anything) to do with that process. I consider myself a success because (based on the lessons learned here) I used the horrible situation to take a look inwardly. I improved myself in some areas that I KNEW needed some work. And THAT had everything to do with me. That was the only thing I could control. And as a result, I am a much different person. I learned patience. And that has helped not only with H but also with D. And if H hadn't come back, those changes for the better would still be there. No one can take that away. That's the point. In that regard, there are a lot of successes on this board. Those who've made it through and arrived on the other side a better person. They may not have their R, but they ARE a success.

As has been stated already, there is no "recipe" for what to do. Everyone's sitch is a little different. Take the advice to heart. But when it comes down to it, you have to learn to deal with your situation in your own way. Focus on yourself and you'll be guaranteed success.