Hey Arsene, given the sich is what it is, I'm trying to stay positive. Nearly finished with DB and I would say yes. It has a broader view, at least for me it does. I have about 40 or so more pages to go.
W came home earlier than usual. She said she was hopeful to be home early morningv. However, she has evidently been vomiting since 9pm last night. OM lives about 3 hours away so I have no idea where ages been or what she's been doing. Doing my best not to care. However I truly do have to keep my curiosity about these "catastrophic events" at bay. I will let you all know, when / if I find out.
A few journal type things: So yesterday, I saw an attractive female and was partially tempted to flirt, but didn't. On the way to the bday party I was playing my ipod, "miss me" came on and D11 started to sing right alongc and said she really liked it. If she only knew. For whatever reason, it hit me being a "single" dad yesterday. It was an awkward, yet okay feeling.
This weekend has been hard for me. Similar situation, at the movie theater last night, they did a sneak peak at a video for a song called "We are never going to get back together." The single aspect has really hit me now.
BD: 8/20/2012 W Files: 8/23/2012 S: 8/25/2012 (I moved out) D Final: 3/5/2013
Forgot to add this truthful scenario above. A big part of me wants to know what she did or did not do, so that I can choose to stay at the house or go on "respite". I think its wrong to put that decision for me to be dependent on what her w/e consisted of. Add in the possible storm that may come our way (midwest in the US), scouts on Tuesday, and then Halloween on Wednesday. Not wanting to be away from the kids. I guess at least I'm being honest, realizing that and knowing I have several weeks for respite when / if I want. Keeping myself in limbo per se.
Grateful, Taylor Swift song? D11 loves and has been playing for the past several weeks. W recently downloaded that and Red. A song about how 2 are too different to be a couple. Hopeful W purchased them in regards to OM not me.
When are your parents going to FL? Part of me thinks that if she breaks it off with the OM, it would be fine to stay home, but if not, it makes sense to take some time apart.
I do wonder about your W's music choice. My H played this song to me during our separation, and said it was brilliant. I didn't even know the song, but it was about this guy ending his R and saying that the woman would be "somebody that he used to know." I guess it was a popular song, but I didn't like it. Now it's my least favorite song.
Keep us posted on what happens, and we'll see what happens with "Sandy." CT will not get a direct hit, but we'll still feel the impact. If you don't hear from me, it's bc we lost power.
Parents left yesterday. That song is by Gotyle (sp)? I hope Sandy doesn't get too close to you or anyone for that matter.
So I get back from the grocery store and am confronted by W regarding D11's diary contents. Yes she is a snoop. In the diary D11 for a in to say how much fin she has with me in my weekends and not so much with W. That if OM was to become her stepdad, that she would leave the family. Pretty much glorifying me and nothing positive about W. So W takes offense b/c D11 is slightly skewed in her facts. I admit that, including to W. Then W asks why I haven't shared "fun" info with her, and I told get that was my initial escape from the sich and that now I love being more involved with the kids. I didn't tell her b/c that's no longer my job. She was starting to get "pissy" herself. So I pulled the trigger and asked about the "catastrophic events". She did it break it off with OM. He was pressuring her to file, as it wasn't fair to either of us guys. So that's why she got trashed and was vomiting so much. I should be excited right? For some reason, not so much.
Andrew, I think you're right not to be too excited because you are probably in for more rough times.
I remember from when my H broke up with OW1 that the sitch was nearly more difficult. First of all, the break ups didn't stick so I couldn't never really trust it. There was a period of to-ing and fro-ing which was painful. Secondly, when they did finally really break up, my H was so depressed that I wondered if he'd ever recover from losing the 'love of his life'. Obviously, your sitch may be completely different but I'd be amazed if it weren't even rockier for a bit longer.
In the big picture, it's looking hopeful, but be prepared that the next little while might test your DBing even more. I'd say just carry on with what you're doing. Stay put for now and keep showing your W that you're not trying to be controlling of her and that you have energy and time for the kids.
How lovely that D11 enjoys her times with you so much. It has to say a lot for you and I'm sure your W realises this. She must be your step-D which makes your good R with her even more noteworthy.
Good luck!
Me: 51 H: 52 T: 23 yrs M: 19 yrs S18, D16, S14 (special needs) PA: 2003/2004 Piecing: 2004 on Suspect H had EA: 8/2012-12/2012
Yes, Gotye. Still associate the song with bad stuff.
Anyway, these are some news you've got. The getting trashed part is a turn off, but hey, at least the OM seems to be out of her life. However, don't expect him to be out of her mind for a while. My H broke it off with the OM back in April of 2011, and even then he continued emailing/texting her through August (he said that wasn't cheating bc it was only emails and chats.)So if your W had an emotional attachment to the OM, expect some rough waters ahead. Patience is your tool. Also, my H tried to break it off with the OW several times, he said, and she would pursue him again and again, so keep your eyes and ears open.
I would just keep doing what you're doing and expect some not-so-pleasant things to come out of her mouth. Try to steer away from the type of conv in which she'll talk about the OM to protect yourself and to protect your investment in the R. Basically, the more you know, the harder it'll be for you to heal.
W definitely had an attachment. He was actually someone I always feared would pop into her life. They had off and in teen Rs. Kind of like now. I've already experienced some venom, related to the whole D11 convo earlier. before she said she broke off, she made a comment about "what I am supposed to do, go back to a miserable marriage?". Fortunately I could tell this was not the true W I married or have seem occassionally lately. I broke a Samsung rule, and corrected her as she cited good times last week; and added that it wasn't solely my misguided love, or that M that was horrible, but that she was looking at everything from a skewed view too. Ok, so maybe more than 1 rule. I do justify, at least for now, b/c of some of the R talks we have had and she has admitted to seeing the good.
She's been hot & cold towards me thus far.
Anyways, I'm guessing there will be some contact, hopefully that fizzles sooner than later, and there us no more physical contact. Hopefully she gets in to see the IC. I will tread lightly. I will try to have patience. I will use that shield more frequently. I will continue to have a PMA, just need to not appear gloating. That should be ok. I will have to try hard not to comfort her during this time.
