It's been a bit quiet since Friday. Couldn't find a guitarist to back me up yesterday and my fingers are still too swollen and stiff for me to play so I had to cancel my gig last night.
Spent the day with D8 but she was a bit tired and didn't feel like doing anything. Besides, everything was closed because of the holiday so we just stuck around the house and watched a DVD together in the evening.
After a few days with W around the house, her presence is missed by both of us. The good thing is that W probably feels the same.
At least I hope she does.
Freshman Class of 2012
M-49 W-42 1D-10 T 10 YEARS M 9 YEARS EA/MLC 07/2010 Separation 28/05/2012 PA confirmed 31/07/12 W Asked for D 31/07/12 D on and off the table since then
Quiet IS good but it allows the mind to go on a rampage. My injuries, as minor as they are, stop me from playing the guitar, going to the pool, gardening or even playing too actively with D8 so other than some drawing and coloring together, she's been reading all day (and again today - she's an avid reader for her age) and I've been thinking non-stop (trying to read but nothing gets in and I end up re-reading the same sentence over and over ).
W is going to buy a hamster with D8 sometime today (she couldn't say when) so we're doing much of the same today but a friend of mine said he'd drop by later so it'll give me something else to think about.
Cheers Tori!
Freshman Class of 2012
M-49 W-42 1D-10 T 10 YEARS M 9 YEARS EA/MLC 07/2010 Separation 28/05/2012 PA confirmed 31/07/12 W Asked for D 31/07/12 D on and off the table since then
W was just around to pick up D8 to go and buy her hamsters. It was meant to be a mother-daughter thing but at the last minute, W asked me to go with them.
As I was pondering it, I noticed D8 wasn't so happy about it. I guess she wanted some time alone with her mom, so I declined. W insisted and even pleaded with D8 but I just sent them off telling them to have a good time, that I had stuff to do anyway. I know D8 tends to ask her mom to buy her stuff when she's alone with her so I figured it's why she didn't want me there.
I'm fine with it. It gave me a good reason to turn down an offer I might have otherwise accepted, despite all the advice I get around here.
Freshman Class of 2012
M-49 W-42 1D-10 T 10 YEARS M 9 YEARS EA/MLC 07/2010 Separation 28/05/2012 PA confirmed 31/07/12 W Asked for D 31/07/12 D on and off the table since then
Well, that was quick. Within the hour they were back with 3 hamsters and a cage. D8 is delighted. That meant that we were now to spend the rest of the day together. I wasn't in the mood to be around W all day so I tried to give them space to be together and at one point went out in the back yard just to sit and meditate. Within minutes W was there sitting by my side. We had a bit of idle chat and then it looked to me like W was pensive, and trying to say something. I eventually asked her if she was ok and she said she was but just a bit tired. Then D8 arrived and that was the end of that.
A few more instances occurred where I went to a different room to leave them and W would eventually come in where I was and sit and do small talk.
I listened and validated but nothing much was said as D8 ended up being around most of the time.
Just before Bed time, I was talking to W and D8 at the dinning room table and W's phone kept going on (literally a text every 30 seconds), at one point, I looked at the phone on the table and W took it away, as if to hide it from my sight. Of course I immediately started thinking about OM and my mood changed. I had to leave.
I got changed and told D8 and W I was going to take a motorcycle ride to see if I could ride to work tomorrow. Unfortunately, my tone was cold towards W and I'm sure she noticed. She was nonetheless pleasant and I caught myself on the way out and cheerfully told them both to have a good time and told W I'd see her in the morning for immigration.
I'm now thinking it might be a good time to set a boundary about her receiving texts from OM in our home when we are together. Or at least about her use of her phone while with us. I'm not sure. All I know is that this affected me and I'm not even sure it's OM. Just a feeling based on their texting habits I've noticed in the past.
Also, it really felt like she wanted to talk but didn't know how to say what she wanted to say. I'll see how she is in the morning at immigration.
Freshman Class of 2012
M-49 W-42 1D-10 T 10 YEARS M 9 YEARS EA/MLC 07/2010 Separation 28/05/2012 PA confirmed 31/07/12 W Asked for D 31/07/12 D on and off the table since then
Interesting advice from FY. I would say it's okay to ask if everything is ok, but if she doesn't open up, I would drop it.
Also, I would not ask her to not receive texts while she's at the house, bc what if it's not the OM? She would see this as controlling. It's a tough spot, Arsene. You are so strong to stay calm even if sometimes you say you behave coldly. It's so understandable!
Tori, for the time being, I agree with you. I don't want to scare her away by being too forward and besides, I'm not sure I can trust my impressions. It might just be wishful thinking. Dr says that sometimes doing nothing is the best thing to do. I'll see what happens next.
As you said FY, we have had some good convos lately so there is no reasons to think that another one is not around the corner and if there is, she might open up more then.
Freshman Class of 2012
M-49 W-42 1D-10 T 10 YEARS M 9 YEARS EA/MLC 07/2010 Separation 28/05/2012 PA confirmed 31/07/12 W Asked for D 31/07/12 D on and off the table since then
Tori, for the time being, I agree with you. I don't want to scare her away by being too forward and besides, I'm not sure I can trust my impressions. It might just be wishful thinking. Dr says that sometimes doing nothing is the best thing to do. I'll see what happens next.
As you said FY, we have had some good convos lately so there is no reasons to think that another one is not around the corner and if there is, she might open up more then.
What is your plan when this happens? What will you tell her? Will you still be afraid of scaring her away? Have you ever scared her away in the past by saying something, or have you always erred on the side of holding it in?
Even if you do scare her away, how long do you think it would be until you were back to where you are now? Next week? Never?
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
All of these are good points FY, and believe me they are constantly on my mind. The thing is, for the time being, I'd rather err on the side of caution.
I just got back from immigration with her and we had another interesting talk that I will try to summarize later as I am now on my way to work.
Thanks for your comment mate.
Freshman Class of 2012
M-49 W-42 1D-10 T 10 YEARS M 9 YEARS EA/MLC 07/2010 Separation 28/05/2012 PA confirmed 31/07/12 W Asked for D 31/07/12 D on and off the table since then
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