What I got from what you said was that this change does need to come from me, with or without him. I get that.

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As objectively as possible, explain how you've "been very generous in every way"....not sure I know anyone who is "very" generous in "every" way...but if you are, then can you describe what that means to you

(or is it possible you are viewing yourself thru the viewpoint of someone who feels defensive and hurt right now? I get how that can happen of course.)



Much of it on my last post was me venting because I feel hurt. I probably have been keeping score, which makes me feel terrible now. What I meant by being generous was that any money I'd save or put together, I'd happily buy him things he asked me for, which increased exponentially in the past year or so. He was buying things with alarming frequency, and I would be adding to it. It never seemed to end. I always knew he wasn't great with money, and I felt happy to be able to do that for him. I just felt like his spending got out of hand after a while and tried to encourage us to save for things / moving / vehicles together. When he refused, that was when I guess I started keeping score. A poor choice of tools, I suppose. The only reason we've had two accounts was because his spending habits were kind of destructive when I met him. He was in debt and overdrawn a lot. I just felt safer keeping the account I had, and then just adding him to it.

And I do want to change, and to forgive him. I agree that I need new tools to change my behavior. I can't go on like this, with or without him. I don't like that part of me at all.

I never thought about what conflict resolution would look like. I would imagine it looks like two people discussing and disagreeing, with a compromise, as opposed to two people arguing their point each time. I'd really like to have harmony, and I know he would too.

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To ME, I've never really understood why "couples" keep everything separate like they are roomates...I mean, Why don't you pool things like most married couples? I know couples with kids from prior marriages may have reasons but even they pool SOME money...



The third account I opened recently was for us to pool our money for whatever came up first. If his car died by then (it was about to) then the money could go towards that. If we wanted to move out, it could go towards moving. It just turned into another account I had.

I've never heard of Essential Experience, but I'd like to look into it. I'm needing any help I can get right now.