Bklyn Still Here P2

[BklynMom]

Saw h this morning after he watched the girls yesterday while I worked. He was not happy that he had the girls Saturday. It was clear that is disrupted some plans.

The girls arrived this morning and it was wonderful. They just light up the world. I asked h if he would do me 2 favors, 1. Close a window I was having trouble with - he happily did. Then I asked if he would grab me a coffee from the deli. That was a big mistake.

He looked at me with such scorn and hatred. He said nothing but he's eyes said it all. It made me cry. There was the man I loved completely and totally the father of my children - looking at me with such contempt it broke my heart in an instant and all over again.

I beat myself up a little. Why did I ask him for a coffee? Was I treating him like I controlled him or like I own him? Was this the behavior he hated from me before? Was it asking him for something that I could have done myself which he so hated?

Then I stopped blaming myself. All h needed to say was no; no I don't want to get you a coffee.

All the emotion I have felt today I am one step closer to letting go completely.

I feel like all this gaslighting is becoming abusive and it's hard to imagine wanting him to come home based on how he is treating me and his daughters.