I say go ahead a have solo sex. If you're like me, you'll be horny again in a few hours.
Your wife is being totally unrealistic. She might as well be wishing for water to flow uphill. Maybe I shouldn't complain that my wife prefers that I masturbate so she doesn't have to bother with sex. At least she allows some form of sex in this house, though, like you, I would prefer to have it with her.
I say go ahead a have solo sex. If you're like me, you'll be horny again in a few hours.
Your wife is being totally unrealistic. She might as well be wishing for water to flow uphill. Maybe I shouldn't complain that my wife prefers that I masturbate so she doesn't have to bother with sex. At least she allows some form of sex in this house, though, like you, I would prefer to have it with her.
How would you feel knowing that essentially that she UNDERSTANDS that she is asking you make water flow uphill. That she knows it BURNS YOU UP, that it reduces your masculinity over time and she just does not care... "That's not her problem..."
You know, I think it's difficult for people who've had a low sex drive or disinterest in sex to understand why it's so important to people with high sex drives. Imagine someone telling you that they need their elbow scratched every day and that it means a lot to them emotionally. You might say, OK, I'll try to take care of it. But after a while you tell yourself privately, jeez, it can't be that important?! They just don't see why it should matter so much.
You know, I think it's difficult for people who've had a low sex drive or disinterest in sex to understand why it's so important to people with high sex drives. Imagine someone telling you that they need their elbow scratched every day and that it means a lot to them emotionally. You might say, OK, I'll try to take care of it. But after a while you tell yourself privately, jeez, it can't be that important?! They just don't see why it should matter so much.
Hell, if my partner told me that they have a scratch that needs to occur every day, and when they can't get to it theyre stressed, acting or looking crazy... I'm going to scratch it for them. It's not going to take too much of my time and energy, and it will make them feel alot better.
I don't see what's the big deal in considering that some of us have needs outside of theirs and they have to spend some time on things that they may not feel directly benefit them.
For the SSM spouses, they will have a calmer and better acting relationship partner.
I kind of like the way you guys are describing this about scratching an itch and having a calmer and better acting partner.
DB talks about real giving, or in other words loving your partner the way they want to be loved. So right, I'm very clear about wanting sex daily and I will be calmer, not stressed, not grumpy, and will love my partner the way they want to be loved. So it's just like that itchy elbow, doesn't have to take a long time but doing it daily keeps everything peaceful.
I guess b/c sex is always such a hot topic and taboo in our culture and media it's become a "different beast" in their minds. What I'm dealing with is that she keeps telling me that sex is so different than everything else.
On the flip side, it could be argued that if the more highly sexed partner loves their partner the way they want and stop demanding sex then they're more likely to get it...b/c now you're scratching your partners itchy elbow and they're going to be calmer and more likely to scratch your itch.
“People are just as happy as they make up their minds to be.” Abraham Lincoln
I kind of like the way you guys are describing this about scratching an itch and having a calmer and better acting partner.
DB talks about real giving, or in other words loving your partner the way they want to be loved. So right, I'm very clear about wanting sex daily and I will be calmer, not stressed, not grumpy, and will love my partner the way they want to be loved. So it's just like that itchy elbow, doesn't have to take a long time but doing it daily keeps everything peaceful.
I guess b/c sex is always such a hot topic and taboo in our culture and media it's become a "different beast" in their minds. What I'm dealing with is that she keeps telling me that sex is so different than everything else.
On the flip side, it could be argued that if the more highly sexed partner loves their partner the way they want and stop demanding sex then they're more likely to get it...b/c now you're scratching your partners itchy elbow and they're going to be calmer and more likely to scratch your itch.
I'm having a hard time understanding how people ( friends and family ) could support a view where a marital partner witholds sex and intimacy from their partner for a prolonged period of time...
Well, it [censored] when a woman has sex with you only to keep you from getting angry. "Read giving" is better. But should one really accept that as normal for a woman to be so sexually lethargic?
As for the flip side, no, there are still women who want nothing to do with sex even if the man totally stops demanding. In my wife's case, when I stopped demanding or asking for sex in any way, and we had just a lot of fun in other ways, sex was simply out of mind, out of sight, didn't exist, had never been invented. The longer we're without sex and I don't mention it, it's more like, "Oh, you haven't mention sex in so long I thought you were OK without it... do we have to deal with that again now??"
And, yes, like your wife says, sex is different from everything else. Of all the things married people do that they enjoy with each other, most of those are things you can do with others if you're missing them with your spouse, such as talking or playing tennis. You can exchange hugs with your daughter or son, or your mother or father. You can buy a nice surprise for a good friend. But most of us consider it proper to have sex only with your spouse. So, yes, sex is different. And the way in which it's different makes it the most important activity to make sure you are providing for your spouse, because they have nowhere else to turn for that one activity. But, oh, how much some women seem to have totally forgotten that.
Until, of course, that woman finds their husband has had that activity with another woman. Then... then... then it's a very "different" indeed. The very woman who didn't think sex was at all important, thinks it's all as heck important if the husband has it with another woman.
I agree, you can do "fun things" with family and friends. My SO says that sex isn't everything in a relationship.....but she's furious she's been cheated on in the past. So right, it's "no big deal" until you bring up or actually do it with another woman.
The flip side I was talking about is just what I read in DR. Honestly, when me and my SO were first together and really good friends there was lots of sex. As I focused too much on sex she got turned off. Right now, forDB, I'm focusing on everything else just to try and save the R. Now, it I save the R I will start to work having sex again but I won't be "pushy" like I was before.
“People are just as happy as they make up their minds to be.” Abraham Lincoln
On the flip side, it could be argued that if the more highly sexed partner loves their partner the way they want and stop demanding sex then they're more likely to get it...b/c now you're scratching your partners itchy elbow and they're going to be calmer and more likely to scratch your itch.
While that seems logical, in practice, it ends up being quite different. The person with the lower sex drive gets what they want; less pressure for sex AND less sex without giving something something of greater value in return to the person w/ the higher sex drive (unless the threat is w/o sex at some mutually acceptable there will be no relationship).
The tyranny of vastly different sex drives is that the one with the lower sex drive can make life miserable for the one with the higher drive. The trade off may be "I will make life less miserable for you. You won't get any more sex, but I won't make your life as miserable on other levels."
You'll have to weigh that.
The Captain
Last sex: 04/06/1997 Last attempt: 11/11/1997 W Issues "No Means No" Declaration: 11/11/1997 W chooses to terminate sex 05/1998 I gained 60, then lost 85 pounds. Start running again (marathons)
Doesn't all of DB say if you stop chasing and pursuing that you draw them in? I don't have Michelle's SSM book so I don't know what's in it. I can tell you that for sure being super pushy about it just turns them off completely.
“People are just as happy as they make up their minds to be.” Abraham Lincoln
