rH,
Your S19 is more of a grown up than your h right now. You have a lot to be proud of in him. He's a fine, outstanding young man who has made you proud and will be a wonderful husband and father some day.

I hope that your h listened to what your son was saying. (He's already rewriting history and your son is very much aware of it.) Yes, he gave him a lot to think about, but it will not change your h's mind at this time. He's on a one way train bound for nowhere.

Yes, your poor h is in a pitiful state because nothing is going the way he wanted it and he still hasn't found that passion he thinks is out there. The depression is talking big time when he speaks of passion. Those feelings have been stuffed way down into his soul and right now he's looking for that quick fix to make him feel better and he thinks some other woman will do the job. I guess the vacation and his bottle companion didn't do the job in making him feel better.

All of those so called plans went right out the window when the mlc and Jim Bean started calling him. All of his old interests are packed up and put on shelf in his mind. He may say he's going to do something and then won't. Life isn't what it use to be for him and now he's going into the mirror image mode, i.e., exact opposite of his old self.

I'm sending birthday wishes on to you son. Create new memories w/his celebration and don't allow what is happening to mar his special day. Sometimes doing somethng different spices things up a bit. I know it's going to be very awkward, but you will have to do what you think is best. You may want to ask your son if he would like for his father to be there for the celebration and go from there and then set your boundaries after this celebration as this is not having your h there to entertain his son, but a family gathering.

rH, I'm very sorry he spent most of his time away partying. This is the teenager in him that came out. I hope that he will settle down and get his act together for the sake of his family and his own life.

Please take care of yourself.

Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.