I just got home from dropping my wife off at the airport for her solo vacation.
As we left our neigborhood this morning, we both marveled at how beautiful the moon looked. A few moments later I asked what her plans were, what was on her "to do" list for the five nights/6 days. She said "Do some thinking." "Do some writing". She didn't offer details, and I didn't want to pry, but these first two items sounded positive to me.
"I also have a couple of books on my iPad to read." (again, I did not pry) "Try to exercise everyday." "I've been sluffing off lately, (which is true) and have been surprised that I've gotten away with it and haven't gained any weight." She went on to explain that it would be nice to not have to buy another set of in between sized clothes. Yes, my little MLC'er is still one of the most frugal persons I know. Sure she's wearing smaller sized trendy new clothes, (and looks quite hot doing it, I might add) but she refuses to spend big money on them. She tells me about all the bargains she finds, like the new $5 swim suit bottoms she bought for this trip. Maybe she doesn't need a top at this resort? haha.
Her all inclusive resort also offers free unlimited phone calls. She named off several of the people she intends to contact and catch up with. Told me about some of their recent, or not so recent interactions together. Said she would call me too.
She also planned to visit the nearby town to do some shopping. Said there is a boat available to get there, but that she also thought it was walkable. Asked me what bottle of liquor I wanted her to pick up for me.
We then talked about some other things, like the weird phobia's some people have. How her close friend J can't ride in the back seat of a car or an elevator without freaking out. I told her about the dream I had last night of her Mom opening a present and commenting about the items contained. I missed the exit to her terminal and had to loop around one more time. This didn't upset her in the slightest, like I feared it would have a while back. Overall we had a very pleasant and comfortable conversation and time together.
As I was unloading her bags from the back of the car, she was saying goodbye to our dog. Then, much to my surprise, she initiated a hug with me! The first in over 7 months. Yes I know it doesn't mean much, and yes I know I can't allow it to get my hopes up, but it happened and it's something! ...dances away on the clouds...
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
M-49 W-42 1D-10 T 10 YEARS M 9 YEARS EA/MLC 07/2010 Separation 28/05/2012 PA confirmed 31/07/12 W Asked for D 31/07/12 D on and off the table since then
I've just started reading your sitch and look forward to reading more tomorrow. I can relate to your W's complaint re wanting a man versus a boy so I may be able to elaborate on that more at a future point.
Thank you very much for your input on my thread. I've thought about your feedback a lot today.
More soon.
Me: 51 H: 52 T: 23 yrs M: 19 yrs S18, D16, S14 (special needs) PA: 2003/2004 Piecing: 2004 on Suspect H had EA: 8/2012-12/2012
I went to the muscle car auction with my brother and BIL today and we had a great time. When I got home there was already a phone message from my wife. She said she also sent me an email and wasn't sure if I had seen it yet. Who says pursuing behavior isn't attractive?
She said the place looks great and they even gave her an upgraded room. I told her I was happy for her, gave a brief update of my exciting day, and told her to have fun.
I also noticed that she must have brought her wedding ring along with her, because its not in its box where she normally keeps it. I'm not sure why she would need it on a solo vacation, especially when she hasn't been wearing it at home. What's going on here anyways?
Wendy, thanks for joining in, A woman's touch is always welcome here. Oops, I don't think that came out the way I meant it.
rky: (((( rky )))) How's that?
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
Wow a hug. Oh boy what I wld give for a hug. Rly pleased for u FY.
Yeah, It kind of makes you think of all the times you could have been hugging instead of watching TV or being online, or anything else that makes up life for that matter. I hope it's a lesson I won't forget in my next R.
Freshman Class of 2012
M-49 W-42 1D-10 T 10 YEARS M 9 YEARS EA/MLC 07/2010 Separation 28/05/2012 PA confirmed 31/07/12 W Asked for D 31/07/12 D on and off the table since then
Here was a comment by AJM in a thread that I started in the MLC forum:
Originally Posted By: AJM
In your case, the idea is to find a way through the walls she built up sooner than later. Without being pushy or threatening.
And a comment by Snodderly in this thread:
Originally Posted By: Snodderly
As I mentioned earlier, space, time, unconditional love and compassion are what you can give her right now. Be a friend and when she feels "safe" to talk to you, she will.
This makes sense to me, and is how I have been moving forward, instead of "dropping the rope" which to me sounds like leaving her to flounder on her own. I even told her a while back that I was here for her because that's what spouses are supposed to do for each other during tough times, and it's how we've made it together this far.
I'm still monitoring and expecting the roller coaster to do some more laps...
Thoughts, comments, encouragement and 2x4's are always appreciated! Thanks for checking in.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
FY - 'rky how's that?' Well, its not bad I suppose.... just kidding its fantastic u seem to be making some great progress so keep going. Let's see if she returns home with it on. Now that wld be something.
Seriously its so good to hear people make progress. Gives us all some hope.
I understand the woman's touch thing. I am really grateful that you and afa stopped by on my thread as I think it's really valuable for me to get insights from men into my sitch. I can see that it would be the same (in reverse) for you.
I've been thinking about your W's complaint that she wanted more of a man than a boy. I may be completely off but here are some ideas. While you being fit and young-looking is great, your W may see your interest in that as immature and superficial. By all means, keep up your exercise/fitness but try not talking about it. For example, go dim on your fitness activities like Zumba. To her it might just look like more of the same--you being focused on your body.
I'm also struck by your name on this board. Not to say that she knows your board name but I've got the sense that you look young for your age and are (justly) proud of it. Again, I'd not let her see that you give that any thought for a bit especially if you've been into your training for a while. Let her think that your interests are changing as she may perceive your fitness/body interest as a sign of arrested development.
I know for example that my H is still excited about travelling and spending money, which to me looks like arrested development. He's been like that ever since I've known him. I've got to the point where I think that being home is more enjoyable than being on adventures. I feel annoyed that his interests don't seem to be changing at all. I'm just giving you an example where someone's tastes not changing can be interpreted as them not evolving and becoming wiser.
You've mentioned that your W says she isn't attracted to you anymore. At some point, you also wrote that you were lying naked on the bed (post shower) and she came and sat on the bed. I think that you would be better off not being naked around your W so much. Just do it subtly so that it doesn't look contrived. I know it was a good sign from your perspective that she sat on the bed but I imagine that not seeing you naked would give her a bit more space and would feel less pressuring somehow.
That's it for now. I look forward to following your sitch.
Glad you got that hug!
Me: 51 H: 52 T: 23 yrs M: 19 yrs S18, D16, S14 (special needs) PA: 2003/2004 Piecing: 2004 on Suspect H had EA: 8/2012-12/2012
u seem to be making some great progress so keep going. Let's see if she returns home with it on. Now that wld be something.