Been served papers - first hearing two weeks away

[Grateful]

Tough to make plans right now. Money is so tight. W makes substantially more than me. I am still saving for own place (and holding out). Don't get me wrong, I will miss the dog, but I know that W willingness to do this (hurts children) is just another indication that this M is going to end.

[Grateful]

I misread the question. She said it would be too awkward. She said that she simply thinks it is a bad idea.

[Grateful]

Spent time with W today with the girls. It lasted about an hour. I was pretty occupied with the girls, so we didn't talk much. Just small talk. I did enjoy it. Afterwards though, it hit me pretty hard. This will probably be the last time I spend time with her. It is just so hard when I want her to love me again and be a family, but it isn't going to happen.

[Starbag]

Hi Grateful, I felt like that from time to time, that the last time that I saw my H was really going to be the last time I saw him. It is quite sad. We don't have children, we don't really have anything big to bond us together right now. But you have children together, why would it be the last time you spend time together? There probably will be times you two both have to be around them?

[Grateful]

I know what the book says and all you great db's out there, but it is so hard when you realize that to your W you are not worth his or her time. For the past few years, she has probably felt that she wasn't worth my time. I wish I could have realized that before now.

[Soul.Searching]

I dont think its a matter of being with their time.
I think they are trying to detach too. I know everyone us different but for me, personally, I found I was already instinctively doing a lot of the DB techniques. The soul reason for that I think, is that it was the only way I knew how to protect myself.

I see my H's reaction after he sees me most of the time. Usually he calls/ messages me a lot more after the first few days of seeing me.
I'm sure at times that he is still trying, just as hard as me to detach.

For my H I'm sure that partying without responsibility and going away for "work" just has so much of a hold on him right now.

Though at times it seems I'm not worth his time, in reality I really don't think that is the case.

[Grateful]

Not this week, but the next is our anniversary. My oldest daughter said that is gonna suck. She said to her mom the same thing and mom asked "Why it will suck for her?" D12's response was "Yeah, we are happy about this." Said W got angry and didn't say a word.

[Grateful]

One of my goals was to quite smoking (a 180). I tried, but the emotions were too raw. She talked about how proud she was of me for quitting, but now I am back on them. I have done a good job with the other 180's. I always failed at quitting around her, so I can't help but feel that she sees me as the same old person because of this one issue.

[ForeverYoung]

Don't beat yourself up over the smoking. Quitting is hard enough when things are going smooth. Don't smoke around her, and if it comes up admit that you're still working on quitting.

It's good to hear you're on track with your other 180's. (what are they?) I'm sure she is noticing. Be strong.

[Grateful]

180's:

1. Not being controlling - not so hard considering I am living with my parents, and she is controlling all legal stuff right now. We are in the "dicovery" process of court.

2. Being there for my children. I used to do whatever it took to be by myself.

3. Leaving her alone. Not trying to come up with any excuse to text her.

4. Reading the Bible