Mrs, you are sounding good. I know it's hard to not think about where h is or what he's doing.
Thanks for the "gold star"!
Originally Posted By: urworthy
I know it is hard to rememeber that his journey isnt about you. The thing of it is that he knows something is wrong. Cant figure out what. So he begins to cut out the person closest to him.
I SO GET this. I liken it to a wounded animal. (I have a big time animal background, so that's my point of reference for a lot) If you approach a wounded animal, even the family pet, YOU ARE LIKELY TO GET BITTEN. (And yes, I have thought of turning the hose on H )
Originally Posted By: urworthy
We know that isnt going to fix it. Next he will try something else. All in the hope of feeling better. But it is not until or unless he looks inside that his healing will begin.
Nothing you can do to help him. He's got to figure it out on his own.
Question for you, oh wise one.
Is it possible H is having either 2, or 2nd part of the same, MLC? Because he had a PA 14 years ago and gave the gamut of MLC behavior THEN. And then, after about 2 - 3 years became gradually "ok". But diminished as a H, and as a person too. Less affection, less joy, more anger, more bitterness.
Now, I discover an online EA and HERE WE GO AGAIN.
Did he not get sorted out the first time? He has a lot of issues. A LOT. He does try from time to time to "look inside". He has sought counseling from our former pastor. Who then got transfered within a couple months of H first reaching out. And the new pastor... yeah, that's not happening. I know I can't sort him out. I don't think he can sort himself out. (His method is to compartmentalize and gee, How's that working for ya'?) This second go round has put me in the position of deciding whether or not he is too damaged to continue a M with.
I see all these mentions on DB "if my spouse had cancer I wouldn't walk away..." But this isn't cancer. Its pain, a lot of pain for H and quite a bit for me and the kids. And if me staying/standing doesn't HELP him, and HURTS me... well what's the good in that? Not that I would say "See ya' sucker". No, I want to do what's loving and right (ever present eyes of the children on me, and that's their dad)
Your thoughts please and thank you.
Originally Posted By: urworthy
So, how about that bucket list? Come up with anything yet?
Yes. I'm taking a bubble bath tonight. But not in a bucket
Me 46 H 56 M 22 yrs S22, D20, Twin Ss18
You teach people how to treat you by what you allow. What you stop. And what you reinforce. ~~~~~~~ A lack of boundaries invites a lack of respect.
)
And the new pastor... yeah, that's not happening. I know I can't sort him out. I don't think he can sort himself out. (His method is to compartmentalize and gee, How's that working for ya'?) This second go round has put me in the position of deciding whether or not he is too damaged to continue a M with. 
