MissAgnes, It's nice to hear from someone. I haven't done too much posting, but don't ever hear much response when I do. I've been thinking about H and how much I love him, but am so angry with him at the same time. I have only seen him three times in the past 2 months. Two of those times, he barely talked to me. The third was quite a bit longer, but he was still intent on not coming home.
Since he has been traveling so much, he doesn't really have to have a "life" when he's in town. He just goes to work, then hangs out with a mutual friend couple that we have. I feel horrible, but I have cut back my contact with those friends because it got too hard hearing what my husband was saying to them. Plus, the wife (one of dearest friends) wanted to always give me hope and would say that she was seeing progress in my H. Then the next day, tell me that she must have been wrong because something he said to her that day. I stopped asking them about him. I have cut back talking to them drastically. I hate to say, but it has taken some of the stress out of my life.
My OD came home this weekend again from college (out of town). She is having a very hard time with her life right now. She has the pressure of school, job and everything going on with her Dad. She has been home 5 weekends in a row. Before all this, she would come home maybe once every 6-8 weeks. She has been a "worrier" her whole life, from the time she was 3. She is emotional and was Daddy's little girl. Both my girls are. The OD really laid into her Dad about a month ago and told him what she was feeling. He did not like hearing the truth and stopped emailing with her. He used to call them, but has only emailed them the past month or so.OD has had two big "come to Jesus" talks with my H. She has no problem telling him like it is.
My YD holds things in when it comes to her Dad right now. She would email him like nothing has happened. She wanted his attention so much. She was afraid if she told him how she really felt, he would stop talking to her and never come back. Well, she evidently had enough, for now anyway. H missed an entire season of watching her perform with the Color Guard. She is a senior.This is the last year for everything like that. He was even in town for one of the performances and didn't go. So, last weekend, when it was the last competition, he emailed to ask how it went. She did not reply. I talked to her last night. She never replied. This is huge for her! She uses silence to get her message across. She and I have been living alone since my H was gone for a year+. She and I are VERY close. We had our time thru Hell a couple of years ago. I didn't think we would make it thru, but we did. I don't know what I would do without her. Sometimes she gets too much of my sadness since she's the only one home. Plus, I work at the high school she attends. I love that I get to see her during the day. She likes it too. We're both so excited that she was just assigned as a "tutor" in my class. She will be spending 2 hours EVERYDAY in the class until Christmas. It is wonderful.
Tonight we are having our huge annual Halloween party. It evidently is the party to be invited to with their friends. We go all out for this party. I took off work yesterday to get some things ready. The girls and I have more to do today. Have to get the cemetery set up in the front room. Both girls are excited about it.
I'm glad it's going to be some thing fun and take everyone's mind off of our situation. None of my daughters friends know about what is going on. This is the way they want it. Nobody knows. We are a quiet family about our personal business. Our families don't even know. I guess unless H has a big turn-a-round, everyone will know at Christmas.
Try to relax and enjoy the few days you have w/o your H. There won't be the stress of seeing him "hide" from you, plus any other disappointing things he's doing. I have my moments. Yesterday I went from laughing to crying in about an hour. It's hard, but we don't have control over how they treat us, especially when they're not around. It's hard for me to do any 180's or other changing behaviors when there isn't any contact from him. I've been trying to just take one day at a time. My YD asked last night what we were doing for Thanksgiving. I told her I hadn't looked that far ahead yet!
Enjoy some peace for a little while. Let me know now it goes. :o)
